THINGS ARE STILL UP THERE

Things are still so up in the air. I feel like were not making any progress and we are still drowning. Life is sucking us under and no matter how hard we try nothing works out the way you want it to. I wish our life was different and there was something else that I could do to fix it faster. I feel like Jimmy and I are at each other all the time. The kids are bouncing off the walls and chomping at the bit to be somewhere else and have something to do. I hate this stage in life. I know that life is always about learning and someday I will look back at this time and laugh saying 'How did we ever make it through that?" but I sincerely wish that time was already here and I didnt have to get out of this first. No one knows what the future holds and no one knows when it will change I guess all you can do is try, prey, hope and try some more.

THINGS ARE SO UP IN THE AIR

So things are so up in the air right now. We are now home in Utah after a very long trip and so many things going so many different ways. Tomorrow is mothers day and we are wishing a Very Very Happy Mothers Day to all of the mothers that we know. We have been so many ways in such a little amount of time and we are now trying to get our barrings back. I am still not feeling well. I was attacked by a double kidney infection (pylonyfritus) while in California, after my grandmas dog was put down after a long 14 years with us. Jimmy and the kids caught a little bug while there and now we are looking for a new place to live. We were so excited to go to California in the first place. On the way home we were talking and we are now not even sure why we went in the first place.  It was nice to see some family and we really did have a good time in Monterey but other then that it was kinda awkward. I did shed almost 20 lbs before leaving but I gained it all back because of stress, eating everywhere that we couldn't being in Utah and every other reason in the book. So now that we are back we are looking for a place and trying to get our barrings like I said and once we are able to get everything together again I will be able to start on the shedding weight quest. On the bright side the trip was so informative and eye opening. I know that I want to get rid of all of my weight more then I have ever wanted it before. Even though I did not get rid of all of my weight or even all that I wanted to it was a good feeling getting rid of some of it and  I did fell better and I didn't realize how much better I felt until it came back. I got so uncomfortable so fast. I felt sick and really really fat. I felt like I had gained another 100lbs. So now I know that I never want to weigh this much again and I am willing to do anything to get rid of it and I have never been in this position before. I have always wanted it but never this much.

The other interesting fact is that I never want to live in the Sacramento area again and it will be pretty hard pressed to live in California again at all. I would consider it if we were able to live in southern California and had more then enough money to live very very comfortably.  I hate all of the inconsiderate people, all of the chaos, how rude every person is (from the gas station attendant to the people that wait on you at restaurant's and every one in between)  I am so glad to be back home and I never felt that way before.

So now that we are home and trying to get things back to some amount of normal we can start to concentrate on getting thing going in the right direction again. Things are working but slow going but we are so glad to be back.

FINALLY MADE IT

We finally made it. After a long trip, an accident, staying overnight in reno because of the closed pass, a birthday party, and driving all day again we are in California. Somewhere along the way Jimmy and I decided that we are in desperate need of a bigger car. We had so mush fun for easter. We had a wonderful dinner, an easter egg hunt in the backyard, and spent time with family(pictures to come). Then next day we went to Sacramento to see other family and spent some much needed time together.  We are looking forward to this weekend and going to Monterey on monday of next week. If you ask Xander what we are doing on Monday he will tell you we are going to see the fishies. He is so excited. I think I am going to try to get in touch with an old friend and see of we can see each other. Well see I guess. Sorry that we have not been better about posting all along our trip. I will be better and I am going to be better about pictures along the way. The weather is wonderful here and we have got to find something for the boys to do. They are going stark raving mad. We will keep ya updated. Oh and BTW dieting on vacation never works. I feel like I am so bloated its not even funny. I need to try harder. Well see what happens.  

2 Days And Counting

Tonight is wonderful. I had a healthy dinner, the boys are down, I am not exhausted and I am slowly but surly getting things done. I was going to go shopping tomorrow but it has been pushed back until Thursday. That is probably for the best because that gives me more time tomorrow. Thursday is going to be so hectic. We are planning to get everything for the house that day before we leave, we are supposed to have the car packed and ready to go for Friday morning, and that includes everyone's clothes laid out, snacks packed, camera charged, bags packed and in the car and boys semi ready for the trip ahead of us. If all of that is possible then will someone please wish me luck and add in a little prayer. But at least I know what needs to happen before we go. I have a small plan. 

The weight dropping is going fabulous..... I feel amazing (minus the slight bloating) and I so excited to be able to ware a belt with the pants I have or find another pair that fit better and in a smaller size. I do have in mind what I want for San Francisco and if it looks as good on as it does in my head I am so excited. I will write before we take off on Friday and let you know it everything that I have to get done actually gets done before we go. Yeaaaaaa for road trips and new adventures.

7 Days And Counting

So we have 7 days until we leave for California. I dont know if its anxiety or just nerves but I have been having a hard time sleeping. Last night was good but tonight is a very different story. Its 4:30am and I still cant sleep. I am trying to get some stuff done in the meantime but I know I still need to get some sleep. I still have so much to do whether its tonight or this week. So I know that my weight dropping is for the right reasons. I know that right now I am thinking about the right things, I have my mind right and everything is going better then it ever has before. I have never tried this hard before but my initial goal was to drop some of the weight for our California trip. I knew that if I did I would be more comfortable, I would not hurt as bad on the drive and I could get something really really cute for the San Francisco trip. But the dropping is not going as fast as I thought it would or as fast as I wanted. I totally fell off the wagon last night. I didnt feel like cooking and everything is just so expensive these days that we just ordered pizza and I caved. I ate 2 and a 1/2 pieces for dinner and I didnt eat any veggie's or almonds or fruit. I felt really bad after and the problem was that the pizza really didnt even taste that good. It really wasnt worth it. So now after that and what happened when I ate a McDonald's sausage patty I think I will not be eating like that for a long time or if at all. I have never felt so gross. The things that tasted good before are not good anymore. I think thats what happens when you eat healthier for a while and then try to eat the other stuff. So now I know that I am making better choices and I think that that in its self is progress. I think I am still going to try to get something for our trip but I am going to keep in mind that I am not going to be that size for much longer. I do also have another week after we get to california. There is plenty of working out and eating right that can totally help while we are there. 


I have a long list of things to do before Friday well actually Thursday night. On top of all the packing and getting the car and everything ready I really wanted to make sure the house is clean before we leave. So I guess I better get to it, and see what matriculates.

Making Progress And Didnt Even Know It

So I guess that I have been making more progress then I thought I was. Yesterday we spent the day at a friends house and I weighed myself and I was so depressed because it said that I had actually gained weight. I thought to myself that there was no way that I had gained it. I could have not dropped any but gained? No way! So that night while we were driving home Jimmy asked if I had weighed myself there since we dont have a scale at home. I told him yeah but I didnt want to talk about it. He sad that he had weighed hi,self too and that the scale had to be off because 2 or 3 days before he weighed himself somewhere else and he did not weight that much. He is pretty good at estimating his own weight. He can totally tell if he has gained more then 5lbs. so I am pretty confident in what he is saying. So if thats true, and by the way I am going to find another scale and weigh in somewhere else but if thats the case that means that I have lost 7.5lbs. After hearing that I was more then happy to talk about the weigh in. I have to admit that I do really really feel a difference. I took my Capri's out of the dryer this morning and put them on (they are usually snug until they kinda stretch out) and they totally fit and I even had room in the tummy, the back of my legs, and the bottom of my butt. 

Concerning my commitments I have not done as well as I wanted to. The reason that we were at a friend last night was because Jimmy was getting the seat in our car fixed and he didnt get back to pick the boys and I up until 10:30 so I did eat later then 9 last night. I did walk extra yesterday but Monday I didnt. I am disappointed but I am looking forward to my walk tonight and trying to figure out something healthy, easy, and tasty for dinner. ANY SUGGESTIONS? 

   

So Off On My Dates....Also Update On The Weight

For some reason I was so off on the date. The last few days I have been having such anxiety about our trip. There is so much to do, so much to get together, and so much to get in general. I have been worried and getting so agitated with everything. I really thought that I would have no more time to drop any more weight. And with the size of the trip and everyone that we are seeing we need really plan and get it together and I was freaking out. I thought that we would be leaving for California this week on Friday, but we are not leaving until next week. So now after all of that worrying, stress, and anxiety I have nothing to worry about. We have a whole other week to get together. I am so relieved. I am trying so hard to drop weight ti feel better before we go and I think I am really making a difference but I have to just keep going. Some times I feel it sometimes I dont. I did however check the weight watchers booklet and on a points basis I am doing very well. I know the points to calories equivalent and vice versa so I know that I cant count points then I can count calories. I am committing to going on a walk once to twice a day from today on. I am planning on starting tonight after the boys go down. And I am also committing to not eat past 9 o'clock every night. I would make it earlier but with the boys and their bed routine it does make it hard sometime. Also I have had a hard time sleeping at night lately and when I stay up I have a really hard time with being hungry and eating late. So I am changing both of those things. That is my goal for the week and we will see how it all pans out from here.