Saturday, May 14, 2011

The Other Side Of The Rainbow

So it is my belief that you get out of life only what you put in. Throughout my life I have been a habitual procrastinator and anyone who knows me well knows that. We have procrastinated on a lot of thing in our life and I think that we have learned our lesson. We are coming up on our 9 year anniversary and 10 years of being together and when I met him Jimmy was so focused and steadfast and responsible and now that I am older and learning these things (and yes unfortunately I am only just now learning) I feel responsible for how we are now just because I didnt allow him or hindered him being the way he used to be. So now after 10 painful years of learning some very hard and sometimes brutal lessons, I have learned that there is a way of doing things and there is a reason for those thins to be done that way and in that order. I have procrastinated going back to school, finding a job, learning how to live a normal life, allowing myself to listen and take heed from others who know better. So now that we are really trying and I mean REALLY trying, I think we have come to that "fork in the road" and I think I am ready and excited to move on, and in the right direction. I have found my faith again, I have found my drive and my commitment, my motherly instinct and the wife I have always wanted to be. For  some reason I gave all of that up and in doing that I have let down the most important people in my life and for that I am truly sorry. I think a family is like a rainbow it looks good on the outside no matter the problems but going up that rainbow is a long way up and a hard road. I am not saying that we have it all down hill from here but I do think that if we do what we know is right and REALLY try to better ourselves and our life and strive to take care of ourselves and never depend on others I believe that the hardest part of that climb will be much easier from now on.

I am very grateful for my new found out look on life and faith in myself and my relationship with my husband and boys. And for the first time I genuinely I look forward to future and the possibility to finally have different life lessons.