Monday, January 25, 2010

A Tribute To My Mother-In-Law

I know that this sounds weird and a little like I am trying to just suck up but I do have to brag a little bit. If you have ever had the privilege of meeting my wonderful mother- in-law Sue you are truly very lucky. She is one of the strongest women I know. She has so much love. When I first met her I have to admit I was afraid that she would never like me or I would never measure up. Jimmy had been with some crazies and after that she was really skeptical. I was young and pretty stupid and even kinda flighty. Ok so not flighty but just overly bubbly. When we got married I will never forget hugging her and she told me " well I guess im not loosing a son I guess im gaining a daughter" and I will never forget that and how good it made me feel. It was acceptance even though the marriage was fast. So over the next 7 years I have seen first hand the things that she has allowed me to see and learn about her. Believe me there is nothing there but love and caring. Now I have heard some scary stories about mother-in-laws and I was really worried before I met her. I love that we get along so well, I love the relationship that we have and hope that it only gets better. She has been so wonderful through everything we have put her through so far. I wish I could tell her that there will never be another thing but she and I both know that you can't predict the future even though I wish I could. But the fact that she knows that and that she loves us anyway and is willing to be patient and help us no matter the circumstance is plenty.

Sue you are wonderful and I hope that you know how much Jimmy, the kids and I really really miss you. We love talking to you a lot lately and hope that we can keep it up until we are able to move home again. Thank you for loving me and just being there.

Things Moving Forward

So things are moving forward and I am very optimistic about how things are going to happen from now on. I think that no matter if bad things happen in your life it is very much a learning experience. Its funny, you find inspiration in so many different things and in so many unexpected place and people. Thank you so much to everyone who has been so understanding and patient. It was some much more help then you could ever know. Things are good now and definitely getting better and I know that they will only get better from here. Good luck!!!!!!!

Friday, January 22, 2010

So life changes

So life changes. It may not always be good, it may not always be bad, but it is always something. Ive had to learn how to adapt, and that is something that I never wanted to have to do. I wanted my life to be good and perfect. I wanted the fairy tale with the white knight and the castle. I have learned that I do have a white knight but he does not appear as I thought he would. I have also learned that is does not take that exact white knight to love you or to build a life with. This man that I expected so much from has obtained and done so much and stupid me has not paid any attention to the good. The bad is so much easier to see and to focus on. I feel like weeping inside for what this change is. I have so much faith and even though I try I feel like it is never enough. Now life is the way it is and we have to learn again. We have to adapt. We never ask for these things, and even if we do we never get exactly what you ask for. So time marches on, if you fall you get up, hold on and try like hell to stay up. When is enough actually enough? When do you really feel like you cant take anymore and you know you really cant? When is that last straw really going to really break your back?

I want my life back, and I want the answers to those questions. I want to feel again what was good and what was real. I think the battles that we have and choose in life are the ones that really are the hardest just for us. I found a quote that is so perfect for what this is: (thank you Melanie)

Sometimes life can be discouraging.
Sometimes the future can look dismal.
Sometimes life seemed easier and less complex way back when.
Sometimes I worry what the future will hold.
Sometimes I get frustrated that I can't just know right now what lies ahead.
Sometimes all of this can be very depressing.
And most of all,
Sometimes when you need it the most God reminds you of something

"Faith is for the future. Faith builds on the past but never longs to stay there. Faith trusts that God has great things in store for each of us and that Christ truly is the 'high priest of good things to come' (Hebrews 9:11)"
-Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Faith truly is for the future and you never know what it holds. All you can do is try. No matter how much that really sucks. You try , you hope, and you love. And hopefully somewhere along the way you find your footing and hit the ground running.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Maddys first hair cut

The before shot

It was so long in back

So yes I know that it was long overdue and believe me I heard about it from everyone especially from Jimmy. Almost everywhere we would go people would stop me and tell me how beautiful my little girl was and then after the pink pjs he got for Christmas we had to rethink the hair. The curls were just beautiful and his eyelashes made it worse so we finally did it. It didnt take very long and he did so much better then I thought he would. We kept the really good curls for his baby book and now you can really tell he is a boy. I think he look adorable and that little boy will never have long hair like that again.

The first cut

Looking at what is going on

Telling mommy "NO"

"Dont cry mommys almost done baby"

What have you done to me?

The no crying after shot