A BRIGHTER OUTLOOK

So it is now the end of the week and it has been a really bad last couple of weeks. Now it is Thursday and the end of the week and it is starting to look really good. The boys are both napping, this is Jimmy's friday and then on Saturday morning we are going to go to the farmers market downtown and do something fun with the boys. It looks like its going to be a great weekend. Ever since we have changed the way we eat and the activities with the boys they have been so good. Xander has changed into a normal, sweet, patient, obedient, loving little boy and big brother. I finally remember the way he used to be and remember all the patience and love that I used to have. I feel like a good mommy again. We are looking forward to Maddys 2nd birthday party and starting to potty train both of the boys. I think we are going to have a big change and train both at once. They work really well together and everything that Xander does Maddy wants to follow. So I figure "Why Not? Kill 2 birds with 1 stone." 2 for the price of 1 is always a good deal right? 

I also just wanted to say thank you to our family and the help that they have given us even though we technically are not family. We have been loved and treated like family and even better then some of our family. We love you our FAMILY. Grandma, Grandpa, and Auntie Shawnee and of course our Lily boo. Thank you and we love you. 

THE WHOLE FOODS WAY

Okay so I dont know why (well I do) but Jimmy has now started us on this kick of eating healthy. We are now on the Whole Foods Diet. So the other day we had fruit for breakfast and had Whole Foods for lunch and it was amazing. First of all the food was really really good ( a little pricey) but good. We went to the park to eat and the kids ran around and had a blast. Their lunch was all organic and it was a peanut butter and jelly, animal crackers, an apple sauce, and an apple juice. They loved it and for the rest of the day Xander was amazing. It was a miracle. We had a great day, he was wonderful, he didnt even have to get after him once. I loved it. For the first time in a really really long time that I saw my Xander. He was patient, he listened, he was holding still, being nice to Maddy I loved it. So now after the good foods and not having anything with high fructose corn syrup, no dye or anything I will never let him have anything with any of that again. So now, even though its a little bit more expensive (and we do now finally get a discount) we are going to be smart, set a good example, and get on a good diet and get into shape. We are wanting to do anything we can to help Xander and Maddy with everything and diet and groceries are nothing compared to the behavior problem. So we will see how things work and if they really are better or if its just a fluke. Wish us luck.................

STARTING A NEW JOB

So Jimmy starts his new job tomorrow with Whole Foods and we are all so excited. He is anxious to be able to finally have something to do with hiss time again (he is not like mommy and okay with staying home). He will finally feel like he is useful again (his words not mine). I am excited for him to feel like he is part of a team again and like he has a purpose other then just "Father of the Year". He start tomorrow and has orientation for the next 3 days then starts work on Sunday. After a much needed trip to talk with our old bishop I a feeling much better about our current situation and how things are needing to work from here on out. I think we are on the way to closing the situation for now and I feel like it will be good to get some things off my mind. I need to get back to the place I was in before we moved the first time. I was feeling good about myself, I was a committed parent and wife and I wanted more then anything to get into shape. I need to find something to do with my time that's constructive. If anyone hears of anything please let me know.......Until then only time will tell. Oh and good luck Daddy on the new Job we love you and are so proud of you. ;D

WORKING THINGS OUT

So we are in the process of working life out. Xander will be going to preschool hopefully when the school years starts, Jimmy is getting ready to start his new job and we are also in the process of selling things that we do not need or the things that we have no space for. So things are moving again in what seems to be the right direction. I have been making some changes in our personal lives as well and if things stay going the way they are then I think that by the beginning of next year we will be happy and back on track with the way our life was before everything happened. For the last year our life has been so bad. It feels like we have been just hovering in this one place, not going anywhere and I have said it to many times to count but, I want our life back. Jimmy and I are a million times better, the boys are growing up beautifully and now I am trying to find things to do with my life and my extra time ( if I ever get any).  I am excited for when Xander goes to school though not to get rid of him but to be able to have some alone time with my Maddy Mu. He and I have been getting alone so well and the more time he spends with me the more he wants to be with me. He was totally a daddy's boy but the tables are a turnin. So here's to new changes and the important things going back to the way they were and the way they are supposed to be.

EVERYTHING IS FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So we have been receiving so many phone calls from family. For a while our phone was off and now we have so much going on and trying to get our life back together. We have not been answering our phone at all actually it has been on silence for the last week. Jimmy and I both are in a place right now where we are trying to work out our life, our relationship and everything else and that is hard enough without anyone or anything else. We have been burned so much by family that I think we are just trying to take a step back, take a deep breath, work on us and then move on. If we are a better unit as a couple and a family then the other things will not be so damaging to us. Please know that we love you, we care about you, and we appreciate everything that you have done for us but please understand that right now we are trying to fix us so we can be better for each other and the boys. We are all fine and everything is good we just need a little time. When things are better and have calmed down we will let everyone know. 

LIFE GOES ON AND LIFE IS GETTING BETTER

So things are getting so much better the prospect of things starting to normal out is emerging. I have found so many things lately to be happy about. This has been the biggest learning experience that I have ever had. I have learned how you can live with a way smaller amount then you could ever think you could. I have learned how to things the hard way and how hard things can really get and most importantly I learned the hard way that no matter if someone is family, friend or acquaintance they can turn there back on you, leave you out and not care just as fast as a stranger on the street. Its really a sad situation and I hope nothing but the best for them but as for anything else I will have to say that my little family is done. I wish that our life's were something that were in someway similar but our priorities are different, our choices are different and I am afraid that our final goal in life is different as well. We have found that we have love and support in an unlikely place and it is refreshing to have a soft place to land after such a thing. I love that Jimmy and I have been able to stay semi strong and that the love that we have for each other is unchanged because of a hard time in life. I love him more today then I did yesterday and I love that no matter what I choose to do he will help and support me. We are learning how to come up again, we are learning to try harder and we are learning that no matter how sour the lemons you can always make lemonade (even though it takes longer then you think)

TRYING TO BE MORE POSITIVE

So I was told that my last post was very sad and that the picture of Xander is quite sad. Well to be honest when I wrote that post I was very sad and I felt so helpless. I don't know why but at this very moment I am not feeling so sad. I feel like even though things are not really any better that at some point that it will be okay. With some communication Jimmy and I will be good and maybe even go back to the way we were when we were genuinely happy. For some unknown reason life has this way of seeing when all is good and throwing you this curve ball and that curve ball is always a choice. Now you know the right answer to that curve but for some absurd reason you feel compelled to help or try at least do what you think is trying to help. I think as humans we are taught certain things that can bring us to believe that we are indebted to other such as family, friends, and any other person that we come in contact with that does a good deed for us. I have learned very quickly that this fact is just NOT TRUE. An act of gratitude should never have any motives or selfish wants or thoughts behind it. It should be exactly what it is an act of GRATITUDE. Being a parent does not mean that your children owe you something for taking care of them for the past (blank) amount of years. You made that choice they didnt. Now yes we are all human so that means that none of us are perfect and when that curve comes sometimes we are not prepared for it and sometimes even if we think we are we cave. So now after my almost 9 year relationship 2 kids and 25 years of experience ( no matter how small it is) I hope that all of my cure balls have taught to reach and catch some and then when you see the others coming RUN LIKE HELL!!!!!!!  



So for now things are kind of looking like they have a chance. Its nothing like great advice and some tough love that gives you a swift kick to the butt and gets ya thinking. Yeah I did do this, yeah I am here, no I don't know what to do or where to go from here but on the bright side there is no where else to go but up. It takes time, hard work, harder work and even harder work but that's what life is about I guess. The love of a family, nasty curve balls, bumps, and hard work. No one got to where they are by doing nothing. You cant get out of a hole of you dont jump high, climb like hell, and work for it. 


Now this post is not sad anymore its a little happier. Its optimistic and that a lot better then before.