Where Has Life And My Faith Gone?

Thinking about everything that has happened through the last year and a half it has left me wondering where has my life and faith gone?
I have been going over my old blogs from when we moved to Utah and even after that. We were so happy and our life was moving and growing. I feel like most last year we were just unraveling out of control and then the rest of the time we were just chasing our old life to see if we could catch up to it again and jump on. in our old blogs, they were happy and positive, and full of faith and love. I know I have not felt that in so long. I feel like I have just been standing here as a beating post for the world to just take out its anger. I feel like we have a good moment and then we are whooshed back down to where we were. I read a good friends blog ( thank you April) and I think I need to invest in personal prayer again. Even though we have our ups and downs with attending church I used to be really good at personal prayer and personal faith. I think I am faith starved and I have no idea where to look to get it. I feel like trying meditation and everything else on the world to find myself and that feeling again. I know that when I had that feeling it was easier for my family to have it. Our home used to radiate with love and it has not done that in so long. I dont think I have ever felt so alone, so helpless, and so angry. I know it sound horrible. I feel like no matter what we do it is the wrong thing or we do it wrong or just that much not enough. I am exhausted, I have never felt so low and whats worse I dont even know where to start. I am at the point where I dont know if just saying my prayers is enough anymore.