BISHOPS PUMPKIN PATCH

So we got a little bored and decided to take the boys to Bishops Pumpkin Patch.. For those of you who dont know what that is or dont live in California it is up in Wheatland and it is so much fun. They do hay rides, they have 72 acres for you to choose a pumpkin. They also have a petting zoo for kids. It was so much fun we got a few pumpkins (which were so cheap) we rode the train there around the grounds, the boys played on the train and on the other stuff and we even fed some baby goats and some pigs. I am trying to make the best of this situation. My Pammie is coming up from San Francisco this weekend and we are going to go out on Saturday night, and our friend Amanda might come up this weekend or next. I need to get out of this rut. BTW I think we have found a prospect for a place to live. We hope it works out and we can start planning on our next trip....HOME.

FEELING A BIT MORE OPTIMIISTIC ABOUT THIS SITUATION

So I think I am feeling a bit more optimistic about our time here in California. I have really been a sobbing idiot the last few days but last night was better and while laying in bed, not able to sleep (as usual) I came up with a tasty little plan for after I go home. This will give me something to occupy my mind and my time while im here, it will give me a goal to work towards while im here and I think it will help the time pass by a little easier. I have to say that this has been a complete transition and learning experience since I got here. At first I thought I would be fine but then I crumbled (and thank you Obassa for putting up with me under the circumstances). I think I am starting to think of myself differently and its not really the best. If this is so hard for me what would I do if something horrific happened to Jimmy, or if we didnt make it as a couple? I had to start thinking about these things and I didnt like where my brain was going with my behavior. I am a strong women that has 2 boys to take care of and show a good example for and so far im not doing my job. So I need to "Man up and put on my big girl panties and just deal". There is no reason for me to fall apart over something as small as 6 or 7 weeks. I think I am now in the beginnings of getting my head on straight and doing what I need to do for the boys, this situation and for the very first time for ME too!!!!!

WHY DO THINGS NEED TO BE THIS HARD?

So a few things have changed since my last post. We were on the hopes that things were going to start getting better and in an instant we lost our footing again. It seems like every time we get close to getting things put on the right path things have to derail again. So now the boys and I are visiting Bonnie in California for a  little while and Jimmy is in Utah working. We have been here now for 3 days and they are going by slower every day. It seems like this is going to take forever. We are going to go home November 24th (we hope) and I am counting the days. It is not because I dont want to be here with the family that we have here its just that this is the last thing that I wanted to do, and I think it is harder then I thought to be away from Jimmy. I am trying to think of this as a transition time and that there are so many good things that can come from this, but its not working very well. Maddy keeps asking for Jimmy and asking to go home. How do you answer that? How do you tell a 2 year old that we are going to be here for a while still and he cant see daddy because he isn't here. I think I am depressed and I need to get out of this or the time that I have away to get things together for me and the kids will be wasted. How do I do this and tell myself that it will be ok when I have no hope at all that it will be.