ALLEN FAMILY

So long since we posted

2012-01-27T12:50:00.000-08:00

So besides our post to Xander for his birthday it has been since September of last year since I posted anything. We have had so much going on lately that I think it has just haven't posted. For some reason I dont post when things are not going very well. We have had some major set backs lately and I keep asking when our life will get better and I think thats part of the problem. Instead of asking what the problem is and asking HOW we can change our life, we just keep asking WHEN will it change. I think we need to start learning how to change our thinking and doing. Not just asking when but how we can do more, and do better. I hope that this is a concept that we start soon.

On a brighter note, Jimmy got a job working for Harmons as a meat cutter and will be transforing to the new City Creek store in February, we just found out not to long ago that my dad and step mom are moving back from Indiana which will be nice because we have seen them once in almost 4 years so reconnecting will be nice and the boys will be able to see them more. This year is my year for Valentines day preparation so you know it will be a good one (sorry Honey). I am trying to plan something super romantic and with some guaranteed alone time. Cant post anything until after because I would like some surprise but if anyone has any suggestions please let me know. Good luck to me!

Happy Birthday Xander

2012-01-27T12:31:00.000-08:00

So I know its a little late but Happy Birthday to my big boy Xander! He is 5 now and time has flown by. I remember the day he was born and we were sitting in the hospital that night after his first bath and Jimmy and I were talking and I remember he was holding him and said "can you believe that this tiny little thing will grow so fast. One day he will be 3 then 5 then 10 then 30." And not only was he right but that was really yesterday. I now have a 5 year old and a 3 year old and that thought boggles my brain. When we started this little journey we thought it was going to be easy because h slept through the night at 3 weeks or started eating at 3 months, but in reality this is the hardest thing I have ever done it my life. They grow over night and learn new things every minute. Asking new questions all the time and looking for guidance along the way. Thank you to my husband for giving me this beautiful piece of life.
And to my Xander:

You are 5 baby and I remember holding you and singing you to sleep, I remember our morning together watch fun shows and singing while we ate breakfast. You are learning and changing and its amazing to watch. Please continue to learn and ask questions, please continue to love and change. You are one of mommy best accomplishments ever and I love you more and more each day. Happy Birthday and I look foeward to so much more.

Happy 3rd Birthday to my Maddy Mu

2011-09-08T13:24:00.000-07:00

Happy Happy Birthday to my little man. I cant believe that it has been 3 years, time flies. My little sick baby bird is so big and strong and tough. Maddy you are a hansom strong smart wonderful little boy. You are loved and you are a joy to have in our life and our family. You are learning so much and speaking so well. We have fun everyday because you are here with us. You are a wonderful little brother. Xander loves you very much and so do your daddy and I. Your family loves you and I hope that you have a wonderful day and this year will be even more fun for you to learn grow and keep moving forward. Happy Birthday baby.

The Other Side Of The Rainbow

2011-05-14T17:25:00.000-07:00

So it is my belief that you get out of life only what you put in. Throughout my life I have been a habitual procrastinator and anyone who knows me well knows that. We have procrastinated on a lot of thing in our life and I think that we have learned our lesson. We are coming up on our 9 year anniversary and 10 years of being together and when I met him Jimmy was so focused and steadfast and responsible and now that I am older and learning these things (and yes unfortunately I am only just now learning) I feel responsible for how we are now just because I didnt allow him or hindered him being the way he used to be. So now after 10 painful years of learning some very hard and sometimes brutal lessons, I have learned that there is a way of doing things and there is a reason for those thins to be done that way and in that order. I have procrastinated going back to school, finding a job, learning how to live a normal life, allowing myself to listen and take heed from others who know better. So now that we are really trying and I mean REALLY trying, I think we have come to that "fork in the road" and I think I am ready and excited to move on, and in the right direction. I have found my faith again, I have found my drive and my commitment, my motherly instinct and the wife I have always wanted to be. For some reason I gave all of that up and in doing that I have let down the most important people in my life and for that I am truly sorry. I think a family is like a rainbow it looks good on the outside no matter the problems but going up that rainbow is a long way up and a hard road. I am not saying that we have it all down hill from here but I do think that if we do what we know is right and REALLY try to better ourselves and our life and strive to take care of ourselves and never depend on others I believe that the hardest part of that climb will be much easier from now on.

I am very grateful for my new found out look on life and faith in myself and my relationship with my husband and boys. And for the first time I genuinely I look forward to future and the possibility to finally have different life lessons.

Where Has Life And My Faith Gone?

2011-01-27T16:49:00.000-08:00

Thinking about everything that has happened through the last year and a half it has left me wondering where has my life and faith gone?
I have been going over my old blogs from when we moved to Utah and even after that. We were so happy and our life was moving and growing. I feel like most last year we were just unraveling out of control and then the rest of the time we were just chasing our old life to see if we could catch up to it again and jump on. in our old blogs, they were happy and positive, and full of faith and love. I know I have not felt that in so long. I feel like I have just been standing here as a beating post for the world to just take out its anger. I feel like we have a good moment and then we are whooshed back down to where we were. I read a good friends blog ( thank you April) and I think I need to invest in personal prayer again. Even though we have our ups and downs with attending church I used to be really good at personal prayer and personal faith. I think I am faith starved and I have no idea where to look to get it. I feel like trying meditation and everything else on the world to find myself and that feeling again. I know that when I had that feeling it was easier for my family to have it. Our home used to radiate with love and it has not done that in so long. I dont think I have ever felt so alone, so helpless, and so angry. I know it sound horrible. I feel like no matter what we do it is the wrong thing or we do it wrong or just that much not enough. I am exhausted, I have never felt so low and whats worse I dont even know where to start. I am at the point where I dont know if just saying my prayers is enough anymore.

Spring Fever Has Sprung

2011-01-25T12:06:00.000-08:00

So for the first time since we moved here I have gotten spring fever relatively early. The last few days we have had this beautiful weather. It has been sunny and almost 40 degrees (which for Utah is nice) and bright outside all day from the beautiful sunshine. So we took advantage of this fact and went to park to play outside and soak up some of that wonderful Vitamin D. The last few days have been wonderful. We have been having fun and trying to get active. Then I wake up to this snow falling like crazy. So much for spring like weather and beautiful sunshine. Hope to see it again soon and start to get outside again. :)

On a wonderful side note: As some of you know Xander has been uncharacteristically resistant to potty training of any sort. After we came home from California he went on a strict underwear strike, so we just kinda let him be and waited until he started caring again. I am so glad that we waited because he woke up one day and we put underwear on and that was that. He is now FULLY potty trained and very proud of himself that he did it. I am so proud to see what a little man he is becoming and most of the time can not wait to hear what he will come up with next. He makes me smile and has a great imagination. Keep it
up little guy............

This morning when I woke up :(

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY XANDER

2011-01-18T09:46:00.000-08:00

Today is my big boys birthday and the time has gone by so so very fast. He is 4 today and I cant believe how he has grown and changed over the last year. He is so independent and smart. He wants to please everyone and do the right thing all the time. My life has never been the same after bringing him into this world. Please stay sweet and remember that your family loves you more then you will ever know.As a parent my goal this year is to be more patient with him and allow him to grow and find himself. Happy Birthday Baby.

Xanders 3rd Birthday

Kinda random but way to funny

2011-01-07T22:21:00.000-08:00

Ok so it has been a while since I blogged and even longer since I blogged about some random thing that happened but I am trying to get back to being happy and get back to being me again.So let me preface the story by saying that every time we go to the Treasure Store (aka. the DI) we always get the boys a toy. Usually its nothing big and we usually never keep it long. The last time we went Xander saw this jet-ski and went crazy, can I also add its a BRATZ brand which is like a Barbie thing so after all the NO's and "Mommy I want that one" we got it. Anyway...So the other night after dinner I was on the way up to put the boys in the tub and I had to document what my crazy boys thought to do. So Maddy took the jet-ski and decided that he would ride it around his room and I grabbed the camera. Then came Xanders turn and he thought it cool to show daddy how he can ride it and drift around the kitchen corner. Good thing Maddy still has enough sense to say No when Xander says "Just sit down and go down the stairs Maddy". Kids are crazy and think of the funnest things.

The brains of the operation

Xander using his arms trying to drift

Its Been A While

2011-01-04T23:11:00.000-08:00

So its been a while. We have been working hard to get situated into our new little home and with the holidays here as well it has been easy to get sidetracked. We did have to put a few things on hold because we had Christmas morning here. After that we had a few bumps in the road and worked our way to the end of this horrible last year. We are so very excited about this new year. We are so optimistic about this year and how things can get so much better. We have some specific goals laid out and a plan on how to get there. We have talked as a family and have worked out how to do these changes and I am excited for everything. The boys are growing and changing and this is also a year for change for our babies. We as parents will be reevaluating some of our tactics and changing some things that we have allowed. This will be a year for changing everything and getting everyone on the right track and heading in the right future. We hope that everyone has a good new year and gets everything that they need taken care of. This is a year of change for everyone in every way whatever that change needs to be for you. Please stay optimistic for all of us.

TIS THE SEASON

2010-12-06T21:35:00.000-08:00

Tis the season I guess to go through every emotion none to man kind and also, for things to start to change. Now that we are home and trying to get settled into our new place the holidays are also here and things are not working out how we had expected..... We were going to make some changes before the holidays but as we were thinking about them they would not be as effective as we were thinking. So thanksgiving is over and we had a good time... I was really sick still and the medicine they had me on made me cranky and feel excessively fat. Other then that we did have good food and great people. As for Christmas being just around the corner, we are very unprepared and for the first time ever I am not looking forward to it at all this year. I hope that things get better soon and I hope that I can feel better about everything soon. On a better note we do wish that everyone has a safe and wonderful holiday season with all friends and family.......

SO HAPPY AND EXCITED HOW THINGS CHANGE SO FAST

2010-11-02T23:24:00.000-07:00

So just as I am starting to get used to being here and getting used to doing this all on my own, I have found out that we have found a place to live and now have a time that we are leaving and going home. I cant lie, I am so excited about being able to go home and see my husband and start our life. I think that I was starting to get accustomed to taking care of the boys alone and not having someone to sleep next to and cuddle with. I miss that interaction and love very much I think even more then I thought I would. There is definitely something to be said about being with someone and having someone to talk to and connect with. Being alone is something that I do not ever want to be. I used to think that maybe if things were really that bad and we were both miserable that maybe just maybe I could do it on my own. I think that doing this alone is the hardest job in the world. Its not easy always having to explain to the boys that Jimmy is at work or at another house. Its not easy trying to explain to Maddy (while hes crying for daddy) that there is nothing that Mommy can do to change it or get daddy here for him. I am grateful for my husband and the help that he gives me with the boys and the love that he has for all of us. I think I am more grateful for him then I ever have been and I love him even more then I ever have before. This has definitely been a learning experience for me for sure and I hope for him as well. So we are probably leaving on Sunday night the 14th and I think that it will be the longest 11hour drive in my life. Let the countdown begin.......................

BISHOPS PUMPKIN PATCH

2010-10-21T15:37:00.000-07:00

So we got a little bored and decided to take the boys to Bishops Pumpkin Patch.. For those of you who dont know what that is or dont live in California it is up in Wheatland and it is so much fun. They do hay rides, they have 72 acres for you to choose a pumpkin. They also have a petting zoo for kids. It was so much fun we got a few pumpkins (which were so cheap) we rode the train there around the grounds, the boys played on the train and on the other stuff and we even fed some baby goats and some pigs. I am trying to make the best of this situation. My Pammie is coming up from San Francisco this weekend and we are going to go out on Saturday night, and our friend Amanda might come up this weekend or next. I need to get out of this rut. BTW I think we have found a prospect for a place to live. We hope it works out and we can start planning on our next trip....HOME.

FEELING A BIT MORE OPTIMIISTIC ABOUT THIS SITUATION

2010-10-16T12:11:00.000-07:00

So I think I am feeling a bit more optimistic about our time here in California. I have really been a sobbing idiot the last few days but last night was better and while laying in bed, not able to sleep (as usual) I came up with a tasty little plan for after I go home. This will give me something to occupy my mind and my time while im here, it will give me a goal to work towards while im here and I think it will help the time pass by a little easier. I have to say that this has been a complete transition and learning experience since I got here. At first I thought I would be fine but then I crumbled (and thank you Obassa for putting up with me under the circumstances). I think I am starting to think of myself differently and its not really the best. If this is so hard for me what would I do if something horrific happened to Jimmy, or if we didnt make it as a couple? I had to start thinking about these things and I didnt like where my brain was going with my behavior. I am a strong women that has 2 boys to take care of and show a good example for and so far im not doing my job. So I need to "Man up and put on my big girl panties and just deal". There is no reason for me to fall apart over something as small as 6 or 7 weeks. I think I am now in the beginnings of getting my head on straight and doing what I need to do for the boys, this situation and for the very first time for ME too!!!!!

WHY DO THINGS NEED TO BE THIS HARD?

2010-10-14T17:14:00.000-07:00

So a few things have changed since my last post. We were on the hopes that things were going to start getting better and in an instant we lost our footing again. It seems like every time we get close to getting things put on the right path things have to derail again. So now the boys and I are visiting Bonnie in California for a little while and Jimmy is in Utah working. We have been here now for 3 days and they are going by slower every day. It seems like this is going to take forever. We are going to go home November 24th (we hope) and I am counting the days. It is not because I dont want to be here with the family that we have here its just that this is the last thing that I wanted to do, and I think it is harder then I thought to be away from Jimmy. I am trying to think of this as a transition time and that there are so many good things that can come from this, but its not working very well. Maddy keeps asking for Jimmy and asking to go home. How do you answer that? How do you tell a 2 year old that we are going to be here for a while still and he cant see daddy because he isn't here. I think I am depressed and I need to get out of this or the time that I have away to get things together for me and the kids will be wasted. How do I do this and tell myself that it will be ok when I have no hope at all that it will be.

A RIVER RUNS THROUGH MY BATHROOM

2010-09-30T09:27:00.000-07:00

So here at the apartment (that we are in still) they are trying to make improvements so they are painting the breezeway and other various "improvements" anyway I had to take the dogs out as a usual morning thing and I was talking to my neighbor to pass the time. As I am standing there a man comes along and starts taping off the door and the whole side of the building on our side. So I have to wait. I quickly open the door just to check on the boys and leave the dogs out to finish and they are fine. They are in the bath playing in some cool water. So I run back out to get the dogs and as I do the man jumps in and finishes taping the door so I have to wait even longer. I wait and talk to my neighbor some more maybe even 5 min goes by. Finally I can go back in and I open the door and I hear laughing from the bathroom and that is never a good sign. I run to the bathroom and they have found a cup and decided to make a river on my bathroom floor. There is water everywhere, they are both naked from the waist down (except socks), shirts soaked, and every little inch of the bathroom soaked and dripping wet. I cant wait till we have a house that we can just let the dogs go out on their own and I dont have to worry about the rivers anymore.... AHHHHH Boys I guess that's what I get.

ODE TO THE LOVE OF FAMILY

2010-09-16T22:05:00.000-07:00

We all know that all things happen for a reason most of which we are unclear of but I do believe that in all things (good and bad) we are meant to learn something. Through trails and tribulations come personal strength, new beliefs, and also very important reminders come. I have learned or been reminded (through our very own trial) of the love of a family. Now please dont get me wrong, that love is something that is always apparent and clear with the 23 phone calls a day or the 10 messages "This is ____ Your ___. Where are you? I have been calling and calling and Im getting worried!!!!!!"But the love of a parent or loved one is immediately shown or served as a reminder the minute you have any problem and you pick up the phone and before dialing any number or even begin to think about the problem at hand and the first thing that comes to mind is just that you want to hear their voice. Now even though you know that they might not be able to help everything starts to seems easier when you just talk to them. They calm you down listen to your problems (whatever they may be) and they no longer feel so big. That scary, big, huge mountain that seemed so big and completely hopeless is no longer that big and scary. You feel like no matter what you have that person to help, listen and love you, never to judge and to really care. This is real love and I could have never learned anything else from a better source of true, unconditional, total caring love then my Bonnie.

She is my rock, my source of confidence, and the best family anyone could ever have. Knowing that I have her for how ever long I have, that privilege is amazing.

I love you our Bonnie, Obassason, Grandma and everything. Thank you for being you and loving us as much as you do.

THE HOLIDAYS ARE RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER

2010-09-12T16:25:00.000-07:00

OK so the holidays are right around the corner and I cant believe that the time flies that fast. Once Maddy's birthday is here Shawn's is next, then mine, then our anniversary, then Halloween, Thanksgiving, Black Friday, then Christmas, New Years then Xanders Birthday. Shortly after that we have Uncle Davids Birthday then Valentines Day then Grandma Obasa's (Obaason Bonnie) Birthday, Easter, and in the month of April we have 4 family birthdays then daddy's. This time of the year does get a little busy. So I have been thinking and I think its time for me to start to contribute to my families financial situation and there are some specific things that I am wanting myself. So I have decided to get a job. Not something in the house we are going to brave and fit a job for me in between and around Jimmy's schedule. So if anyone in Utah knows of anything please let me know. I also have put an application in Costco, Toys R Us, and soon at Whole Foods for seasonal work. I dont know why I haven't gotten anything sooner I think I have been lazy and now we are at the point that there is no more time for lazy or tired it just needs to happen.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MADDOX THOMAS

2010-09-08T08:20:00.000-07:00

So today is Maddy's 2nd birthday and I spent a long time last night getting everything for today. I ordered a cake, I got his presents, I wrapped them and I got a few decorations for today. We aren't doing anything big just a few friends for cake, ice cream and presents. So this morning while Jimmy was getting ready for work Maddy came in and asked for more bob (milk for bottle) and we ended up having to strip his bed (due to Maddy leaking all the way through his diaper) and search for 10 min to find the bob. In the process we woke Xander up and Jimmy was almost late for work. Finally we got everyone situated and back to sleep (or so I thought). I went back to sleep and didnt think anything more about it. Well then I was woken up to both boys standing next to my bed telling me how excited they were for Elmo cake and holding all the decorations in their hands. As I progress into their room I see ripped decorations and open packages and Elmo napkins everywhere. Maddy was so excited he was holding like 4 plates and ran up to me saying "look mommy, look, look, it Elmo. ELMO EMLOOOOOOOO, EEEELLLLMMMMOOOOO." With that much excitement and everything from the dollar store how can you be mad. So Happy Birthday my little guy.

To My Maddy Mu On Your 2nd Birthday:

Maddy you are a joy. You brighten the day of everyone that you come in contact with and we love you. You had the most amazing start into this life and you have shown the world your strength and will for life ever since. You are a wonderful, smart, funny boy and you have so much life and learning left to live, and enjoy. You changed my life for the better and you are mommy's little love. Happy Birthday baby boy and on this day may you be shown if even a fraction, the love and joy that you give to your family and friends.

Happy Birthday and we love you.
Enjoy your day.

THE GALLBLADDER IS OUT!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-09-07T13:09:00.000-07:00

So I havnt been feeling all that great lately. I have been really really tired like just out of bed and cant keep my eyes open tired and I was kinda having some stomach problems so I went to the hospital and they were kind enough to let me know that I had some gallstones and that would probably be my problem. So they sent me home with some prescriptions and an appointment to see a surgeon and if I had any other problems or more pain that I was to come right back. So 2 days later Back I go and this time I went to the bigger and better hospital. They did another ultra sound and said that with the pain I was having and the fact that I did have stones that it just needed to come right out. So 4am Wednesday morning I was rolled into the OR and my organ was removed. They let me eat 4 hours after surgery, I was walking 20 min after I got back to my room and I was released that night. The day after I took care of the boys on my own until Jimmy got home at 2 and I have been pretty good ever since. I am still in a little pain and Maddy jumped on my stomach today but other then that I am ok. Jimmy ha been amazing. He has been watching the boys when he can helping with everything, waiting on me hand and foot and loving me way more. The surgeon came in ant talked to me after and informed me that the reason I was so sick was because I had 10 gallstones. It has been almost a week and I now have to plan something for Maddys birthday. His birthday is tomorrow and he will be 2. So moving on. The biggest coincidence of it all is that on Friday morning the week before I had my gallbladder taken out my mom had the same thing. Crazy huh?

A BRIGHTER OUTLOOK

2010-08-19T14:28:00.000-07:00

So it is now the end of the week and it has been a really bad last couple of weeks. Now it is Thursday and the end of the week and it is starting to look really good. The boys are both napping, this is Jimmy's friday and then on Saturday morning we are going to go to the farmers market downtown and do something fun with the boys. It looks like its going to be a great weekend. Ever since we have changed the way we eat and the activities with the boys they have been so good. Xander has changed into a normal, sweet, patient, obedient, loving little boy and big brother. I finally remember the way he used to be and remember all the patience and love that I used to have. I feel like a good mommy again. We are looking forward to Maddys 2nd birthday party and starting to potty train both of the boys. I think we are going to have a big change and train both at once. They work really well together and everything that Xander does Maddy wants to follow. So I figure "Why Not? Kill 2 birds with 1 stone." 2 for the price of 1 is always a good deal right?

I also just wanted to say thank you to our family and the help that they have given us even though we technically are not family. We have been loved and treated like family and even better then some of our family. We love you our FAMILY. Grandma, Grandpa, and Auntie Shawnee and of course our Lily boo. Thank you and we love you.

THE WHOLE FOODS WAY

2010-08-11T23:03:00.000-07:00

Okay so I dont know why (well I do) but Jimmy has now started us on this kick of eating healthy. We are now on the Whole Foods Diet. So the other day we had fruit for breakfast and had Whole Foods for lunch and it was amazing. First of all the food was really really good ( a little pricey) but good. We went to the park to eat and the kids ran around and had a blast. Their lunch was all organic and it was a peanut butter and jelly, animal crackers, an apple sauce, and an apple juice. They loved it and for the rest of the day Xander was amazing. It was a miracle. We had a great day, he was wonderful, he didnt even have to get after him once. I loved it. For the first time in a really really long time that I saw my Xander. He was patient, he listened, he was holding still, being nice to Maddy I loved it. So now after the good foods and not having anything with high fructose corn syrup, no dye or anything I will never let him have anything with any of that again. So now, even though its a little bit more expensive (and we do now finally get a discount) we are going to be smart, set a good example, and get on a good diet and get into shape. We are wanting to do anything we can to help Xander and Maddy with everything and diet and groceries are nothing compared to the behavior problem. So we will see how things work and if they really are better or if its just a fluke. Wish us luck.................

STARTING A NEW JOB

2010-08-02T20:50:00.000-07:00

So Jimmy starts his new job tomorrow with Whole Foods and we are all so excited. He is anxious to be able to finally have something to do with hiss time again (he is not like mommy and okay with staying home). He will finally feel like he is useful again (his words not mine). I am excited for him to feel like he is part of a team again and like he has a purpose other then just "Father of the Year". He start tomorrow and has orientation for the next 3 days then starts work on Sunday. After a much needed trip to talk with our old bishop I a feeling much better about our current situation and how things are needing to work from here on out. I think we are on the way to closing the situation for now and I feel like it will be good to get some things off my mind. I need to get back to the place I was in before we moved the first time. I was feeling good about myself, I was a committed parent and wife and I wanted more then anything to get into shape. I need to find something to do with my time that's constructive. If anyone hears of anything please let me know.......Until then only time will tell. Oh and good luck Daddy on the new Job we love you and are so proud of you. ;D

WORKING THINGS OUT

2010-07-26T22:23:00.000-07:00

So we are in the process of working life out. Xander will be going to preschool hopefully when the school years starts, Jimmy is getting ready to start his new job and we are also in the process of selling things that we do not need or the things that we have no space for. So things are moving again in what seems to be the right direction. I have been making some changes in our personal lives as well and if things stay going the way they are then I think that by the beginning of next year we will be happy and back on track with the way our life was before everything happened. For the last year our life has been so bad. It feels like we have been just hovering in this one place, not going anywhere and I have said it to many times to count but, I want our life back. Jimmy and I are a million times better, the boys are growing up beautifully and now I am trying to find things to do with my life and my extra time ( if I ever get any). I am excited for when Xander goes to school though not to get rid of him but to be able to have some alone time with my Maddy Mu. He and I have been getting alone so well and the more time he spends with me the more he wants to be with me. He was totally a daddy's boy but the tables are a turnin. So here's to new changes and the important things going back to the way they were and the way they are supposed to be.

EVERYTHING IS FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-07-20T18:17:00.000-07:00

So we have been receiving so many phone calls from family. For a while our phone was off and now we have so much going on and trying to get our life back together. We have not been answering our phone at all actually it has been on silence for the last week. Jimmy and I both are in a place right now where we are trying to work out our life, our relationship and everything else and that is hard enough without anyone or anything else. We have been burned so much by family that I think we are just trying to take a step back, take a deep breath, work on us and then move on. If we are a better unit as a couple and a family then the other things will not be so damaging to us. Please know that we love you, we care about you, and we appreciate everything that you have done for us but please understand that right now we are trying to fix us so we can be better for each other and the boys. We are all fine and everything is good we just need a little time. When things are better and have calmed down we will let everyone know.

LIFE GOES ON AND LIFE IS GETTING BETTER

2010-06-11T00:47:00.000-07:00

So things are getting so much better the prospect of things starting to normal out is emerging. I have found so many things lately to be happy about. This has been the biggest learning experience that I have ever had. I have learned how you can live with a way smaller amount then you could ever think you could. I have learned how to things the hard way and how hard things can really get and most importantly I learned the hard way that no matter if someone is family, friend or acquaintance they can turn there back on you, leave you out and not care just as fast as a stranger on the street. Its really a sad situation and I hope nothing but the best for them but as for anything else I will have to say that my little family is done. I wish that our life's were something that were in someway similar but our priorities are different, our choices are different and I am afraid that our final goal in life is different as well. We have found that we have love and support in an unlikely place and it is refreshing to have a soft place to land after such a thing. I love that Jimmy and I have been able to stay semi strong and that the love that we have for each other is unchanged because of a hard time in life. I love him more today then I did yesterday and I love that no matter what I choose to do he will help and support me. We are learning how to come up again, we are learning to try harder and we are learning that no matter how sour the lemons you can always make lemonade (even though it takes longer then you think)

TRYING TO BE MORE POSITIVE

2010-06-08T04:01:00.000-07:00

So I was told that my last post was very sad and that the picture of Xander is quite sad. Well to be honest when I wrote that post I was very sad and I felt so helpless. I don't know why but at this very moment I am not feeling so sad. I feel like even though things are not really any better that at some point that it will be okay. With some communication Jimmy and I will be good and maybe even go back to the way we were when we were genuinely happy. For some unknown reason life has this way of seeing when all is good and throwing you this curve ball and that curve ball is always a choice. Now you know the right answer to that curve but for some absurd reason you feel compelled to help or try at least do what you think is trying to help. I think as humans we are taught certain things that can bring us to believe that we are indebted to other such as family, friends, and any other person that we come in contact with that does a good deed for us. I have learned very quickly that this fact is just NOT TRUE. An act of gratitude should never have any motives or selfish wants or thoughts behind it. It should be exactly what it is an act of GRATITUDE. Being a parent does not mean that your children owe you something for taking care of them for the past (blank) amount of years. You made that choice they didnt. Now yes we are all human so that means that none of us are perfect and when that curve comes sometimes we are not prepared for it and sometimes even if we think we are we cave. So now after my almost 9 year relationship 2 kids and 25 years of experience ( no matter how small it is) I hope that all of my cure balls have taught to reach and catch some and then when you see the others coming RUN LIKE HELL!!!!!!!

So for now things are kind of looking like they have a chance. Its nothing like great advice and some tough love that gives you a swift kick to the butt and gets ya thinking. Yeah I did do this, yeah I am here, no I don't know what to do or where to go from here but on the bright side there is no where else to go but up. It takes time, hard work, harder work and even harder work but that's what life is about I guess. The love of a family, nasty curve balls, bumps, and hard work. No one got to where they are by doing nothing. You cant get out of a hole of you dont jump high, climb like hell, and work for it.

Now this post is not sad anymore its a little happier. Its optimistic and that a lot better then before.

THINGS ARE STILL UP THERE

2010-06-03T02:14:00.000-07:00

Things are still so up in the air. I feel like were not making any progress and we are still drowning. Life is sucking us under and no matter how hard we try nothing works out the way you want it to. I wish our life was different and there was something else that I could do to fix it faster. I feel like Jimmy and I are at each other all the time. The kids are bouncing off the walls and chomping at the bit to be somewhere else and have something to do. I hate this stage in life. I know that life is always about learning and someday I will look back at this time and laugh saying 'How did we ever make it through that?" but I sincerely wish that time was already here and I didnt have to get out of this first. No one knows what the future holds and no one knows when it will change I guess all you can do is try, prey, hope and try some more.

THINGS ARE SO UP IN THE AIR

2010-05-08T19:55:00.000-07:00

So things are so up in the air right now. We are now home in Utah after a very long trip and so many things going so many different ways. Tomorrow is mothers day and we are wishing a Very Very Happy Mothers Day to all of the mothers that we know. We have been so many ways in such a little amount of time and we are now trying to get our barrings back. I am still not feeling well. I was attacked by a double kidney infection (pylonyfritus) while in California, after my grandmas dog was put down after a long 14 years with us. Jimmy and the kids caught a little bug while there and now we are looking for a new place to live. We were so excited to go to California in the first place. On the way home we were talking and we are now not even sure why we went in the first place. It was nice to see some family and we really did have a good time in Monterey but other then that it was kinda awkward. I did shed almost 20 lbs before leaving but I gained it all back because of stress, eating everywhere that we couldn't being in Utah and every other reason in the book. So now that we are back we are looking for a place and trying to get our barrings like I said and once we are able to get everything together again I will be able to start on the shedding weight quest. On the bright side the trip was so informative and eye opening. I know that I want to get rid of all of my weight more then I have ever wanted it before. Even though I did not get rid of all of my weight or even all that I wanted to it was a good feeling getting rid of some of it and I did fell better and I didn't realize how much better I felt until it came back. I got so uncomfortable so fast. I felt sick and really really fat. I felt like I had gained another 100lbs. So now I know that I never want to weigh this much again and I am willing to do anything to get rid of it and I have never been in this position before. I have always wanted it but never this much.

The other interesting fact is that I never want to live in the Sacramento area again and it will be pretty hard pressed to live in California again at all. I would consider it if we were able to live in southern California and had more then enough money to live very very comfortably. I hate all of the inconsiderate people, all of the chaos, how rude every person is (from the gas station attendant to the people that wait on you at restaurant's and every one in between) I am so glad to be back home and I never felt that way before.

So now that we are home and trying to get things back to some amount of normal we can start to concentrate on getting thing going in the right direction again. Things are working but slow going but we are so glad to be back.

FINALLY MADE IT

2010-04-07T14:59:00.000-07:00

We finally made it. After a long trip, an accident, staying overnight in reno because of the closed pass, a birthday party, and driving all day again we are in California. Somewhere along the way Jimmy and I decided that we are in desperate need of a bigger car. We had so mush fun for easter. We had a wonderful dinner, an easter egg hunt in the backyard, and spent time with family(pictures to come). Then next day we went to Sacramento to see other family and spent some much needed time together. We are looking forward to this weekend and going to Monterey on monday of next week. If you ask Xander what we are doing on Monday he will tell you we are going to see the fishies. He is so excited. I think I am going to try to get in touch with an old friend and see of we can see each other. Well see I guess. Sorry that we have not been better about posting all along our trip. I will be better and I am going to be better about pictures along the way. The weather is wonderful here and we have got to find something for the boys to do. They are going stark raving mad. We will keep ya updated. Oh and BTW dieting on vacation never works. I feel like I am so bloated its not even funny. I need to try harder. Well see what happens.

2 Days And Counting

2010-03-30T22:31:00.000-07:00

Tonight is wonderful. I had a healthy dinner, the boys are down, I am not exhausted and I am slowly but surly getting things done. I was going to go shopping tomorrow but it has been pushed back until Thursday. That is probably for the best because that gives me more time tomorrow. Thursday is going to be so hectic. We are planning to get everything for the house that day before we leave, we are supposed to have the car packed and ready to go for Friday morning, and that includes everyone's clothes laid out, snacks packed, camera charged, bags packed and in the car and boys semi ready for the trip ahead of us. If all of that is possible then will someone please wish me luck and add in a little prayer. But at least I know what needs to happen before we go. I have a small plan.

The weight dropping is going fabulous..... I feel amazing (minus the slight bloating) and I so excited to be able to ware a belt with the pants I have or find another pair that fit better and in a smaller size. I do have in mind what I want for San Francisco and if it looks as good on as it does in my head I am so excited. I will write before we take off on Friday and let you know it everything that I have to get done actually gets done before we go. Yeaaaaaa for road trips and new adventures.

7 Days And Counting

2010-03-27T03:52:00.000-07:00

So we have 7 days until we leave for California. I dont know if its anxiety or just nerves but I have been having a hard time sleeping. Last night was good but tonight is a very different story. Its 4:30am and I still cant sleep. I am trying to get some stuff done in the meantime but I know I still need to get some sleep. I still have so much to do whether its tonight or this week. So I know that my weight dropping is for the right reasons. I know that right now I am thinking about the right things, I have my mind right and everything is going better then it ever has before. I have never tried this hard before but my initial goal was to drop some of the weight for our California trip. I knew that if I did I would be more comfortable, I would not hurt as bad on the drive and I could get something really really cute for the San Francisco trip. But the dropping is not going as fast as I thought it would or as fast as I wanted. I totally fell off the wagon last night. I didnt feel like cooking and everything is just so expensive these days that we just ordered pizza and I caved. I ate 2 and a 1/2 pieces for dinner and I didnt eat any veggie's or almonds or fruit. I felt really bad after and the problem was that the pizza really didnt even taste that good. It really wasnt worth it. So now after that and what happened when I ate a McDonald's sausage patty I think I will not be eating like that for a long time or if at all. I have never felt so gross. The things that tasted good before are not good anymore. I think thats what happens when you eat healthier for a while and then try to eat the other stuff. So now I know that I am making better choices and I think that that in its self is progress. I think I am still going to try to get something for our trip but I am going to keep in mind that I am not going to be that size for much longer. I do also have another week after we get to california. There is plenty of working out and eating right that can totally help while we are there.

I have a long list of things to do before Friday well actually Thursday night. On top of all the packing and getting the car and everything ready I really wanted to make sure the house is clean before we leave. So I guess I better get to it, and see what matriculates.

Making Progress And Didnt Even Know It

2010-03-24T13:48:00.000-07:00

So I guess that I have been making more progress then I thought I was. Yesterday we spent the day at a friends house and I weighed myself and I was so depressed because it said that I had actually gained weight. I thought to myself that there was no way that I had gained it. I could have not dropped any but gained? No way! So that night while we were driving home Jimmy asked if I had weighed myself there since we dont have a scale at home. I told him yeah but I didnt want to talk about it. He sad that he had weighed hi,self too and that the scale had to be off because 2 or 3 days before he weighed himself somewhere else and he did not weight that much. He is pretty good at estimating his own weight. He can totally tell if he has gained more then 5lbs. so I am pretty confident in what he is saying. So if thats true, and by the way I am going to find another scale and weigh in somewhere else but if thats the case that means that I have lost 7.5lbs. After hearing that I was more then happy to talk about the weigh in. I have to admit that I do really really feel a difference. I took my Capri's out of the dryer this morning and put them on (they are usually snug until they kinda stretch out) and they totally fit and I even had room in the tummy, the back of my legs, and the bottom of my butt.

Concerning my commitments I have not done as well as I wanted to. The reason that we were at a friend last night was because Jimmy was getting the seat in our car fixed and he didnt get back to pick the boys and I up until 10:30 so I did eat later then 9 last night. I did walk extra yesterday but Monday I didnt. I am disappointed but I am looking forward to my walk tonight and trying to figure out something healthy, easy, and tasty for dinner. ANY SUGGESTIONS?

So Off On My Dates....Also Update On The Weight

2010-03-22T11:12:00.000-07:00

For some reason I was so off on the date. The last few days I have been having such anxiety about our trip. There is so much to do, so much to get together, and so much to get in general. I have been worried and getting so agitated with everything. I really thought that I would have no more time to drop any more weight. And with the size of the trip and everyone that we are seeing we need really plan and get it together and I was freaking out. I thought that we would be leaving for California this week on Friday, but we are not leaving until next week. So now after all of that worrying, stress, and anxiety I have nothing to worry about. We have a whole other week to get together. I am so relieved. I am trying so hard to drop weight ti feel better before we go and I think I am really making a difference but I have to just keep going. Some times I feel it sometimes I dont. I did however check the weight watchers booklet and on a points basis I am doing very well. I know the points to calories equivalent and vice versa so I know that I cant count points then I can count calories. I am committing to going on a walk once to twice a day from today on. I am planning on starting tonight after the boys go down. And I am also committing to not eat past 9 o'clock every night. I would make it earlier but with the boys and their bed routine it does make it hard sometime. Also I have had a hard time sleeping at night lately and when I stay up I have a really hard time with being hungry and eating late. So I am changing both of those things. That is my goal for the week and we will see how it all pans out from here.

Its Going To be A Beautiful Day

2010-03-17T10:08:00.000-07:00

First of all Happy St. Patrick's Day to everyone. For some reason I feel like its going to be a great day and I felt the need to share. I am feeling so inspired about my weight. Jimmy is so good at pointing it out to me that I am dropping it and it makes me feel so good all the time. I think that he knows how hard it is for me to do this and when I started I talked to him about it and what would be helpful and believe it or not everyone he has totally come through. I feel my skin getting looser, I feel my clothes getting looser and even though its not happening as fast as I would really really like its happening. I feel like this just very well may be the time that it really happens and I stick it out.

For everyone that doesnt already know we are going to be taking a road trip in about a week or so back to California to see some of our family and we are all so excited that I know that we are going to burst sometime soon. We are leaving on the 2nd of April and I think that we are going to be there about 2 weeks. We are driving so for the boys we are going to make it as fun as possible. We are not going to make it rushed or pressured at all. We are going to make it a real family road trip and I am so excited to see what happens. We are going to take the boys to the Monterey Bay Aquarium and I am stoked about that one cause I have not been in like YEARS. We are going to take them to San Francisco to see EVERYTHING, we are going to go to the beach, and more importantly then anything we are going to have So Much FUN!!! I am a little worried I have nothing ready, no itinerary, no plans except for those above, and nothing even planned about packing. There are so many things we have to do before we leave and so many things we have to get for the trip so my brain is on high mode. For anyone who knows me I am absolutely not a "fly by the seat of her pants kinda girl" so I have to get it all together but I am kinda ok about it.

So wish me continued luck on the weight dropping (or shedding) and if you are on our very very long list of people to come and see we will see you soon. If your not one of those people remember we love you anyway and hope to see you as soon as we can.

I am now on day 14

2010-03-15T05:37:00.000-07:00

Okay so I am on day 14 and sometimes I feel like I am making progress little at a time. My pants are getting bigger and I feel like I have more energy so it is definitely a better place then when I started. Thank you to everyone for all of the wonderful thoughts and good wishes it is so much more encouragement then you could ever know. It is definitely a struggle but I am beginning to think that it is worth it, or going to be at some point. I am consistently working at it and keeping everything in mind. I think now about everything that goes in my mouth, every extra movement that might make a difference and everything else that I need to. I guess that it is an all the time thing and I need to get used to it. I have to keep my head on right and just keep going. I know that I will not make my goal but I am not going to stop.

Today Is Day 4

2010-03-04T15:25:00.000-08:00

So today is day 4 and I think that I am doing better today then I have been. Last night for dinner we ate home made hamburgers that were grilled. I had no mayo, extra lettuce and tomato. Then on the side my wonderful hubby got me some cottage cheese with some tomatoes and lettuce. I have been eating breakfast and snacking in between. I have heard that the way to get rid of weight successfully is to eat all the time but to eat the healthy foods and try to move as much as you can. So I am making a conscious decision to move more. Jimmy and I did walk a little last night, and when we go somewhere we park as far away as possible. I do need to be more diligent about my exercise but we are definitely on the right path. I am thinking what else I can do to get it to come off faster. I need to see improvement somewhere and I am trying to keep my head while trying to keep going, and all while I am trying to change the way I think and act about everything. This is so much harder then I thought it would be. it is not just a decision about food and moving its everything!!!! So I guess we trudge along and try as hard and for as long as we can.

Trying To Stay On Top

2010-03-03T11:43:00.000-08:00

I am trying to stay on top of this and I am trying to stay optimistic. I have a very hard time doing things like thins and I have concluded that this is the exact reason that I do not do well with loosing weight. My problem is this...... When I do not see that what I am doing is successful I quit and think to myself What in the hell is the Point? I am not eating anything I want and that is how I am used to being. I am not starving but I am definitely trying something new and I know that what I am doing is right but this just sucks. I want to get rid of this thing so badly and I want to change so so so badly but when I dont see anything I just want to stop. So how do I work this out? How do I continue doing this just keeping in mind that I want to be healthy and fell better. Now how bad does that sound really? I want to do it for the right reasons and for the first time I really really want it and know I need it but its the instant gratification that I am so used to. I am so ok usually with this situation just because it makes me feel better RIGHT NOW! So how do I find it? Any suggestions? Is there anyone out there? Oh well I guess I will try to eat and find something to do to move myself around and see if it helps. I know I need this and I know I need to do it for me so I guess one can only hope!?

I Think I Can

2010-02-28T15:59:00.000-08:00

So I have this friend Melanie and she has done something inspirational. She has started a blog on loosing a 100 pounds. I do have friends that have lost amazing amounts of weight, and I have friends and family that have lost a lot of weight and then put it right back on so for a friend to do this at such a momentous time in my life has kind of impacted me. We as a family are at a time where we are making crucial life decisions and changes. So in honor of this time in our life and also the fact that a friend has started something, I am going to do it as well. I know that I have said in the past that I need to shed it and that I am going to but this time feels different. I feel different and my needs and wants are different. I have new reasons and new priorities. So have have my reasons, I have the will, and I have the drive (I hope). I think I can, and every time I put something in my mouth or think about it I am going to really make a decision. And FYI I do not say loose for weight, because when you really think about it when you loose something you do everything you can to find it and get it back. So from now on I am saying to shed or to get rid of because when it is gone I DO NOT WANT IT BACK!!!!!!!

So wish we luck, prey for me, send good vibes, tip your hat and cross your fingers, or whatever works for you but please think of me as I make my way on my new journey.

Thanks

I Am So Excited About This Weekend!

2010-02-17T12:53:00.000-08:00

So this weekend my friend Pammie is coming to visit. I have not see her in a long time. It seems life forever. I think it was over a year ago that she came last. She has been busy and so have we. We totally need a trip back to California. We miss all of our friends and family there. Jimmy is getting very very home sick and wants to see everyone badly. I wish that money grew on trees, that an education is something that was easy ans cheap to come by, and that family and friends could go with you wherever you went. We have some friends that are moving out of the state and we are very sad. It seems like when one things moves on the next comes through but its never the same. On a brighter side this weekend is going to be way to much fun and I am so looking forward to it.

LET THE FUN BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111

To My Valentine Happy Valentines Day

2010-02-14T11:36:00.001-08:00

So another Valentines day has come and another year to love and celebrate everything about our life and our loves. I am so blessed to have the things I have. I have a wonderful husband that has overcome so many things in life and in our marriage. We have changed, grown and we are now learning to adapt. Even though life is never what it seems we know that as long as we try we can move anything together. We are hoping that all of our friends and family have a wonderful valentines day and spend time with the ones they love.

To my Valentine:

Thank you for loving me. Thank you for caring. Thank you for trying. You are my best friend and I have so much faith for our future together. We can be headed down any road at any time but as long as we are together I know that anything is possible. To my love, my life, my best friend, my valentine.

I Love You

So Tired Of Being Sick

2010-02-10T12:51:00.001-08:00

We are really tired of being sick. So Xander got really sick and we had to make 2 hospital trips and 1 ended up to be an admitted stay with oxygen and the whole nine yards. So I am sure that is was because I was with him this entire time, but now I am getting sick and I think that Jimmy is getting it too. My throat is swollen I have a slight cough and I am so tired I cant handle it. So now that we all have a little bit of something we are all sick and tired and I really want to get better and get out of the house. Please someone help me.

Something For Everyone

2010-02-04T19:23:00.000-08:00

So I have heard that some of my previous posts have made a small uprising or problem. Here is the only way that I can think to fix it.

I have a wonderful family. From the first member to the last. If it was not for my family and various support systems Jimmy and I would be nowhere and literally have nothing. My family and Jimmy's family have helped us in more ways then one and more then once. Everyone has gone through hard times, some more then others, some for longer then others and all in different ways. So for everyone that has helped us in every way possible even our closest friends:

THANK YOU

You are all wonderful and patient. We love and remember all of you for all that you have done for us. We will never forget how we got here and how we are able to continue through life.

The Worst Spring Fever Ever

2010-02-04T16:02:00.000-08:00

So I know that I am just a smidge early but I feel like I have the worst case of Spring Fever. The snow is melting little by little but not fast enough. I have heard of things like this before but never experienced it myself. It is horrible. I am usually tolerant of the winter until it goes away but I NEED sunshine and warmth. I NEED some kind of outside activity for me and the boys. Life was so much funner when we went to the park every morning. I even miss (heaven forbid I admit missing being in a swimsuit) going swimming with the family on family night. We could still go but it was so much fun going in the summer. It was warmer, we could go outside and swim too and it wasn't a mad dash to get to the car before your hair and snot freezes. So this is my rant about spring not coming fast enough and even though I wish it would it wont even help. Oh well............................................

A Tribute To My Mother-In-Law

2010-01-25T13:59:00.000-08:00

I know that this sounds weird and a little like I am trying to just suck up but I do have to brag a little bit. If you have ever had the privilege of meeting my wonderful mother- in-law Sue you are truly very lucky. She is one of the strongest women I know. She has so much love. When I first met her I have to admit I was afraid that she would never like me or I would never measure up. Jimmy had been with some crazies and after that she was really skeptical. I was young and pretty stupid and even kinda flighty. Ok so not flighty but just overly bubbly. When we got married I will never forget hugging her and she told me " well I guess im not loosing a son I guess im gaining a daughter" and I will never forget that and how good it made me feel. It was acceptance even though the marriage was fast. So over the next 7 years I have seen first hand the things that she has allowed me to see and learn about her. Believe me there is nothing there but love and caring. Now I have heard some scary stories about mother-in-laws and I was really worried before I met her. I love that we get along so well, I love the relationship that we have and hope that it only gets better. She has been so wonderful through everything we have put her through so far. I wish I could tell her that there will never be another thing but she and I both know that you can't predict the future even though I wish I could. But the fact that she knows that and that she loves us anyway and is willing to be patient and help us no matter the circumstance is plenty.

Sue you are wonderful and I hope that you know how much Jimmy, the kids and I really really miss you. We love talking to you a lot lately and hope that we can keep it up until we are able to move home again. Thank you for loving me and just being there.

Things Moving Forward

2010-01-25T13:43:00.000-08:00

So things are moving forward and I am very optimistic about how things are going to happen from now on. I think that no matter if bad things happen in your life it is very much a learning experience. Its funny, you find inspiration in so many different things and in so many unexpected place and people. Thank you so much to everyone who has been so understanding and patient. It was some much more help then you could ever know. Things are good now and definitely getting better and I know that they will only get better from here. Good luck!!!!!!!

So life changes

2010-01-22T12:45:00.000-08:00

So life changes. It may not always be good, it may not always be bad, but it is always something. Ive had to learn how to adapt, and that is something that I never wanted to have to do. I wanted my life to be good and perfect. I wanted the fairy tale with the white knight and the castle. I have learned that I do have a white knight but he does not appear as I thought he would. I have also learned that is does not take that exact white knight to love you or to build a life with. This man that I expected so much from has obtained and done so much and stupid me has not paid any attention to the good. The bad is so much easier to see and to focus on. I feel like weeping inside for what this change is. I have so much faith and even though I try I feel like it is never enough. Now life is the way it is and we have to learn again. We have to adapt. We never ask for these things, and even if we do we never get exactly what you ask for. So time marches on, if you fall you get up, hold on and try like hell to stay up. When is enough actually enough? When do you really feel like you cant take anymore and you know you really cant? When is that last straw really going to really break your back?

I want my life back, and I want the answers to those questions. I want to feel again what was good and what was real. I think the battles that we have and choose in life are the ones that really are the hardest just for us. I found a quote that is so perfect for what this is: (thank you Melanie)

Sometimes life can be discouraging.

Sometimes the future can look dismal.

Sometimes life seemed easier and less complex way back when.

Sometimes I worry what the future will hold.

Sometimes I get frustrated that I can't just know right now what lies ahead.

Sometimes all of this can be very depressing.

And most of all,
Sometimes when you need it the most God reminds you of something

"Faith is for the future. Faith builds on the past but never longs to stay there. Faith trusts that God has great things in store for each of us and that Christ truly is the 'high priest of good things to come' (Hebrews 9:11)"

-Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Faith truly is for the future and you never know what it holds. All you can do is try. No matter how much that really sucks. You try , you hope, and you love. And hopefully somewhere along the way you find your footing and hit the ground running.

Maddys first hair cut

2010-01-01T13:31:00.000-08:00

The before shot

It was so long in back

So yes I know that it was long overdue and believe me I heard about it from everyone especially from Jimmy. Almost everywhere we would go people would stop me and tell me how beautiful my little girl was and then after the pink pjs he got for Christmas we had to rethink the hair. The curls were just beautiful and his eyelashes made it worse so we finally did it. It didnt take very long and he did so much better then I thought he would. We kept the really good curls for his baby book and now you can really tell he is a boy. I think he look adorable and that little boy will never have long hair like that again.

The first cut

Looking at what is going on

Telling mommy "NO"

"Dont cry mommys almost done baby"

What have you done to me?

The no crying after shot

Playing in the Snow

2009-12-31T18:46:00.000-08:00

My cold boys all smiling and having fun

So we have been getting pretty good snow lately and I have really been trying to keep up on the driveway and not let the ice and stuff get out of hand. So my thought was while I was doing that (and the boys cant go to the park right now) I might as well let them come out and play in the yard. It turned out to be so much more fun then I though so I think we are going to try things like that more often.

Xander throwing snow at daddy

Xander Eating snow

Look at that Face

Daddy and Maddy

Maddy eating the snow

Mommy and Maddy

Mommy and Daddy Freezing

Playing with Guncle at Thanksgiving

Xander and Mommy playing

MERRY CHRISTMAS

2009-12-25T21:44:00.000-08:00

Xander holding the plate of cookies for Santa

Putting the cookies out.

Merry Christmas eve and goodnight mommy.

So to day is Christmas and I was not really expecting a good day, I was just going to deal with whatever came. We did have the boys put out some cookies and milk for "Santa". They were so sweet they wanted to make sure that he would see them and be able to get at them. So then I was up until 5 in the morning making breakfast casserole, finishing wrapping, and getting the presents arranged so that it looked like Santa came. So then at 8 o'clock we had boys jumping on my bed chomping at the bit to open the present and some of them were even wrapped in CARS paper. After opening presents and breakfast casserole the boys promptly went to bed. Then while we were trying to get some quiet time in our basement bathroom flooded. So no quiet time for mommy and daddy! Then we got ready and went to some friends house. After visiting some friend and spending quality time it really started to feel like Christmas. All in all it really did end up to be a good Christmas. We love our friends and family and we love seeing our boys so very happy. Thank you to everyone for your gifts and warm wishes and please have a very safe and Merry Christmas and safe and Happy New Year.

So very very long

2009-12-05T16:18:00.000-08:00

So since it has been I will just do a quickie posting to catch up on everything. Things have been so up and down the last few month. Jimmy is dealing with all this crap from work, I am trying to get better and just push through any pain and the boys are amazing as usual. Xander is hitting the terrible 3's early and heaven help us. I swear that little boys can not sit still, or go anywhere without touching everything and having a fit at least once to twice a day. The mornings are great but then after that very short afternoon nap the furry arrives and doesnt stop until he goes down. I think that part of it is that he is bored. It is so hard for the little ones in the winter. We cant go to the park and we don't really have a lot of money to go to the rec center all the time so it is hard finding new things to do everyday that will peak his interest. I think I am going to go to the library and find some activity books for him. He is watching the My Baby Can Read DVDs and we do the flash cards and he really likes those and his vocabulary is really getting better fast. Maddox is wonderful I remember Xander at this age he was wonderful too and I know that Maddox will change and morph into this thing too. Maddy says all kinds of things and I know that its beacuse of the My Baby Can Read DVD's too. They grow so fast and we are all looking forward to the Christmas season. There is so much more but for now thats all.

Here is Xanders new owie

2009-09-20T18:39:00.000-07:00

So here are the newest pics of Xander's newest battle wound. As I was loading them up I started to think and the last battle wound that we had was very close to this time last year. It was in November and we had our first trip to the instacare to have his eye glued. So I think we are averaging a new SERIOUS wound about every year. We get a lot of non serious ones but the instacare or hospital trips are about 1 a year. Oh and please do notice all the other scrapes all over his face. The 2 on the forehead are from a wicker basket, the other one on his nose is from playing outside, and the one on his cheek is from Maddy.

Date night was very delayed

2009-09-20T13:34:00.001-07:00

So as we were getting ready to go out and Xander was playing in our room and watching us get dressed. First we got some news that a very close family friend had just lost her battle with cancer and other illnesses. Then Xander jumped right on Zigen and his bad knee and right as he turned to warn Xander they collided and Zigen got his nose. So we put the date on hold and made a quick run to the instacare. a quick clean up some antibiotic cream, a prescription, and a band-aid and we were out the door. We finally got out a little late but we did get something small to eat tried to go to temple square, went to the top of the world and came home. Not the night I had hoped of but still we had some time out of the house and alone. Sometimes that's the best that we get and sometimes I am totally okay with that.

So windy on the top of the world

Tonight is Date Night and I am so excited

2009-09-19T14:50:00.001-07:00

So tonight Jimmy is taking me on a date. I am so very excited it has been so long and with everything else that is going on it will be so nice to get out and away from everything. My birthday is in 2 weeks and I have no idea what Jimmy is planning on doing. Then to make things more fun our 7 year anniversary is 3 days later. WOW 7 years and the time has flown by. Sometimes it feels like forever and other times it feels like no time at all. Hopefully we can keep everything going and things get better little at a time. Date night here I come.

Our little get togther to celebrate Maddox

2009-09-15T14:33:00.000-07:00

Maddy's cute cake

So on Saturday we had just a little something to celebrate our Maddy Mu. Some of our friends were nice enough to help us and we had some Costco pizza some little decorations and a cake. We made up some fun games and just sat around and talked and had fun. I had called in the cake that morning and for short notice they did such a good job. It was decorated so cute. He loved his cake and he loved just wondering around in the back yard. We did spring for some balloons and he had so much fun with them. He has been playing with the red one ever since that night. The party was small and intimate but so much fun. It is so funny a year went by so much faster then I ever thought. So after his one year old check up and 6 shots we found out he is healthy, right on track , early for some things, and doing great. He weights 21lbs, he is 31in. tall, he is walking and talking. The Dr. said that he is saying more then most 1 year old's and for him being in the NICU (which they call a prematurity) he is doing better then any NICU baby that he has seen. His exact words were "I have never seen a NICU baby turn around as fast as he did and do this well this fast" I was so happy I couldn't stand it.

Opening presents with daddy

Not really knowing what is going on

Xander watching Maddy blow out the candles

Xander and James hanging out together

Look at those cute boys

Friends saying goodbye to each other

Eating his balloon after the party.

Xander playing with the balloons too.

Happy Birthday Maddox One year, still not the same..............better!

2009-09-08T12:53:00.000-07:00

The day our life changed for the better

So one year ago today I went to the hospital to have anther baby. It was on off day to begin with. I had no sleep the night before and I was not sure if I was ready, but ready or not he was coming. After a long day of labor and feeling nothing at all ( which was wonderful) things turned for the worst and we as a family had to go through something that I would not wish on my worst enemy. It is a very hard thing to explain. The looming possibility that you might loose your child is to much for any person to bare. At 4:37 my life changed in more ways then I could ever imagine. We were blessed 3 weeks later to finally bring our wonderful blessing Maddox Thomas Edward Allen home and introduce him to the rest of what his world would be. So things now are fantastic with him. He is healthy, beautiful, smart, and loved. He is my miracle baby and even though my body will never feel the same my life is eternally blessed to have him in our life.

My Maddy: You are my little love. In so many ways you are your brothers presence in my world makes me whole. You are truly a gift from above and daddy and I are so proud of you and what you have overcome in such a short time. You are stronger then anyone I know and that is truly a gift. You are a wonderful addition to our lives and we are very blessed to have you here with us. Time has gone by to fast but we savor every moment that we have with you. We love you so much and have a wonder 1st birthday.

At 6 months

One year and so many thing later

September and way to long with out computer access

2009-09-05T14:51:00.000-07:00

So it has been so long since I blogged last. We have been having a tough time lately and things are starting to look up again. I did blog a little bit a while ago but nothing lately. so Maddy will be a year in 3 days and time has gone by so fast. I cant believe its been a year. He is walking already and saying so many things. He says out, bath, daddy, dogie, momma, duck, up, nanna, and a few other things. He is so different then Xander. He has his own personality and does his own thing at his own time. We are having just a little get together for him with some cake and spend some good time with good friends. We have lucked into some extraordinary circumstances, we do not know how long it will last but we are great full non the less. Anyway we are trying to teach Xander new things and he has been trying to be as helpful as he can, so when Jimmy was mowing the lawn the other day Xander was trying to help and went and grabbed the seeder and started "mowing" just like daddy. He is so cute he has the funniest fake laugh I have ever heard, and he loves to make people laugh and be helpful. I hope that those attributes stay with him forever.

Such a big helper and my big sweet boy.

Why it has been so long

2009-08-16T15:02:00.000-07:00

Ok so there has been so many things going on. We have moved, Maddy is walking, new family things have happened and the list continues to go on. With everything else Maddox will be 1 is 3 weeks and we need to start planning the party. We will just have to wait and see what happensa and how everything works out.

The 24th of July celebration

2009-07-24T13:21:00.000-07:00

So here in Utah the 4th of July is a big thing but the 24th of July is bigger then that. There is a tradition that we do every year here in Bountiful and we go to the handcart parade and then to the carnival. So we took the boys and had so much fun. Xander got all kinds of candy, Maddy gave Jimmy his first kiss, we ate fried Brigham bread, and watched a private firework show from our backyard. Maddy and Xander wore matching outfits and we had a blast. Things are changing around here so much and I really don't know how things for the rest of the summer are going to work but we will play our cards and see what happens.

Almost a year and its gone by so fast

2009-07-08T22:30:00.000-07:00

Smiling at my Mommy

Maddy is 10 months old today and I cant believe that it has gone so fast. I feel like just yesterday he was sitting in my arms smiling at me in clothes that just draped on his little body. Now he is running everyone over in his walker, trying to walk, talking up a storm and thanks to grandma Wissa we just got the My Baby Can Read system and I am so excited to get it started.Things happen way to fast and I cant hold on to it fast enough.

Maddys first 4th of july

2009-07-07T13:12:00.000-07:00

This is the first time that Maddy had experienced anything like fireworks any loud noises or anything like that and Xander has still not been around anything like that either. We did not do fireworks last year and the year before Xander only watched part of the fireworks. Maddy fell asleep before we did them this year but Xander had a really hard time with them. It was my moms birthday and we really tried to do something nice for her. I made her a collage and some cards, Jimmy and Carter went and got her an outfit, we went to dinner, got a cake and then we came home and did fireworks here. It was an interesting night and things never go as they are intended. The 24th is coming soon and around here that is a big deal. It is the day that Utah was founded and we call it Pioneer day so we are looking forward to that. We are hopeful that it will be better.

The End of an Era

2009-06-26T13:19:00.000-07:00

Toady is a sad day in the media and in life. The loss of an Icon such as Michael Jackson is truely devistating. I do not have a childhood memory that does not have something to do with or a hint of his music. He has influanced an era and changed the way that music is made and thought of. Michael you will forever be missed and your music will forever be charished and loved. 1958-2009

To the friends and family of Kent and Kathy Wood

2009-06-24T22:33:00.001-07:00

http://www.kentandkathywood.blogspot.com/

To the friends and family of the Woods: We are so very sorry for your loss of your wonderful mother. She was truly and inspiration and she was loved by all that came in contact with her. It can be so difficult to loose a loved one but when their work here is done they are needed elsewhere. Our prayers are also with your fathers recovery, we hope that it will be fast and easy. Not only from his wounds but also from the loss of his wonderful wife.

The 9 month check in on the Maddy Moo

2009-06-19T22:38:00.000-07:00

My Sick little birdie

To my smiley face baby

To going to eat mommy and the camera

So we went to see our favorite doctor (Dr. Durham) and we had some shots, so weighing, some measuring and some check ins. After everything that has happened with Maddy and his health we knew that even though he was doing well something still could go wrong. So until we heard that we were for sure out of the woods, we were prepared. When the doctor came in and saw the smiley baby trying to walk he checked everything asked a few simple questions and told us that we have nothing to worry about. Mommy cried and Maddy smiled. Everything was good. After some shots and some crying from Maddy we headed home. So now that everything is good he is 19lbs 13oz so almost 20 lbs (so the 50ith percentile), 29.4 in long (so the 70ith percentile), and head circumstance was in the 30ith percentile. Now when we asked the doctor what that was supposed to mean he explained that Maddy is longer then 70 percent of the babies his age and heavier then 50 percent of babies his age. We are right on track for his weight but his length is kinda surprising. So congratulations to my baby you are now given a clean bill of health and we no longer have anything to worry about.

We love finding a new place to have some family fun

2009-06-15T12:41:00.000-07:00

Xander's first time rollerskating

We went to a friends birthday party this last weekend and we went to a place here that has indoor rides, arcade, indoor roller rink, movie theater, and indoor mini golf. Carter was so amazing, he helped with all the kids and was so great. Xander went roller skating for the first time, mommy went rollerskating (even though daddy was very mad) We took Xander on the roller coaster, he loves the merry go round, he went on the bus ride and we all had so much fun. Next weekend Jimmy, Xander, and Carter are going to go and spend the day for a boys day for Fathers Day. We are so happy that we have found another place to go and have fun, we love that Carter was so helpful and we are so glad the Xander and Maddy were able to have more firsts.

Xander Rollerskating looking at mommy

On the Marry go round with daddy

Xander and Guncle

The family trip to the park

2009-06-08T21:58:00.000-07:00

Xander and Guncle Carter sitting on the bridge together

So now that Carter is here we are trying to have as much fun as we can (under the circumstances), and lately we have been trying to take Xander and Maddy to the park every evening if its not raining. So we took some pictures of all 3 of our boys at the park. Xander is doing so well he goes down the slides all on his own, Maddy reluctantly goes down to one of us catching him, and Carter was playing with Xander and having fun.

Not quite sure if he likes this yet

Now he is liking the swing

Talking to Mommy

Now enjoying the swing

Swinging with daddy

Life Is Crazy

2009-06-05T12:36:00.000-07:00

So life has been so crazy lately. The boys are growing so much and so fast Maddy is jibber jabbering more then ever now, Xander is listening so well lately and has loved the fact that we have been taking him to the park to play, then dogs are still crazy and we just found out that our landlord is selling the house so we are looking for a place to live now. Its been hell actually. We are trying to be out of this house by the end of the month so we have been trying to see as many houses as we can as fast as we can, the realitor is trying to get as many showings in the smallest amount of time. He is so rude and pushy that I cant stand it. Things have been turned upside down in the matter of a week. Anyway on a brighter note Carter is coming to visit for the summer and we are so excited that we cant stand it. He will be here tomorrow and we have so much stuff in mind for the summer it will be so much fun to have him here with us again. We feel like when he comes to visit that the whole family is back together again. So Welcome Home Carter.

My little man so big in the car seat.

My little all American boy

The massive cookie that Jimmy made and gave to Xander to play with.

My little duckie in his cute little robe.

My baby in his car seat growing so much.

Sorry Melanie (Just to Clarify)

2009-05-26T20:56:00.000-07:00

Ok so another friend of ours had done a post on the show Jon & Kate +8 and I was propt to leave my very own comment. First I am sorry Melanie I think that we are all titled to our very own opinion and this just happens to be mine. I have seen a few episodes of the show nothing all the time, but never the less from what I have watched and from other sources I have a very large problem with Kate! Almost everything that I have seen with her she is yelling, complaining, whinning, moaning, groaning and telling Jon how bad he is, and asking him why he did that and what he was thinking. Every interview that they did together she would not let him talk, talk over him, tell him what was right and wrong, and always say things that he did wwrong. Now I have not been married for as long as some but longer then most and I think that Jimmy and I have gone through alot to get to the place where we are. I have read things about it, talked to people and learned new things along the way. And I know for sure that men can not STAND women demasculineizing them. They hate complaining, and they really do not like confrentation. And most of all they do not like their flaws pointed out, it makes them feel little. Women are talkers and men are fixers and workers. If they cant fix the problem that you giving them in the way that you want them to then dont give them the task. If Kate had been thankful for all the things that he had done, not yelled or complained and made him feel like the man of the house and the man of her heart then I THINK that all of this would have been avioded. Yes it was wrong IF he cheated because there is a better way to fix things then that but she has been in for money and not her children and husband and I think that was the first problem.

Celebrating the ones that we love that are not with us Happy Memorial Day

2009-05-25T22:43:00.000-07:00

So first Happy Memorial Day. Today is bittersweet we are sad to celebrate this day because we are celebrating the ones that are not with us anymore but we are happy to celebrate the lives that they lived, the example that they provided, and the love that they shared. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, and children are all hard to loose but they inspire us by their example. We love and miss you all very much and hope that we can once again be with you.

So on memorial we all take flowers to our loved ones to celebrate them if you are lucky enough to be close to where they are. This year we are fortunate once again to be very close to 2 sets of our grandparents. So for our grandma Thelma and Grandpa Melvin I had the boys make a pot each so that we can continue to put flowers in there for them. I got a small terracotta pot and had both of them finger paint their own. The first time I tried with Maddy it was kinda problems but eventually it worked out well. Xander of course had a blast. He even happen to make a picture for daddy with the paper that was under the pot. He loved finger painting so much that he didn't want to stop.

Getting started and not really knowing what to do. I had to shove his hands in the paint.

Look mommy i'm ok messy. ( A First)

I Love this. I am going to paint your shirt mommy!

Maddy's first try finger painting.

The mess is just getting started.

Almost done.

Finally I think he is satisfied.

So today we took some Mums down to the graveside. Since we didn't get pictures of Xander and Carter last year we took some of the boys this year.

Xander just had to rub the headstone.

"Don't worry baby I got Ya!"

Xander just had to jump up show off.

So Maddy had to be able to do the same thing. (Its a brother thing)

My boys

2009-05-17T09:53:00.000-07:00

Xander this morning

Xander pushing Maddy and trying to get him out of the walker

So I thought that I would update everyone on some pictures and how the dynamic duo are doing. After some chasing and some running into each other Xander has decided that it is not a good idea for Maddy to chase him in the walker. However he still pushes him around and tries to take him out on his own. Its very funny how pay backs work. Xander used to run into the back of people in his walker and laugh and now Maddy chases him around the house. Xander is getting bigger and smarter and has the best seance of humor. I cant handle how funny he is and also how bad he is , but I love him. So Maddy is getting so big I have to remind myself how old he is of I look at him like he is an infant still. The time with him has gone by so fast. He is walking in his walker and crawling everywhere we cant keep him still. He eats everything all the time and he is learning so much so fast. I love them both and the older they get the more fun we have with them.

Ok so the other night Maddy was so tired and hungry that every time I went to put the food in his mouth he got so excited that he would shake and then in between bites he would scream at me, and he would make this face. Almost like I was not feeding him fast enough.

Then last night he tried grabbing for the spoon that was in the bowl and the food on the spoon went flying and it stuck to his forehead. This is how it ended up food on the forehead ans smile on the face. Just like him to smile at everything!!!!

I think we are going to have some problems on our hands

2009-05-13T12:55:00.000-07:00

Xander trying to get the baby out of his seat

So we have been trying to get Xander to get involved with Maddy more often and to be honest I dont know if thats a good idea or a bad idea? So now that Maddy has a walker he follows us around all the time. Well yesterday he got stuck in the hallway and so Xander went and got him out (good job baby) then all the sudden I heard laughing and running and Xander thought that he should push Maddy up and down the hallway. So then we wanted to keep Maddy in the living room so the dogs would not steal his little snack things and he did not like that. Xander was outside and heard Maddy scream so he ran in and moved the chair so that he could go in the kitchen and watch. Even though we told Xander not to he wanted to help the baby. Then when we came home from the store we had just walked in the door and I had not gotten to getting Maddy out of his seat yet so I went to take him out and Xander had decided that I did not do it fast enough. So Xander wanted to do it. I know that this is just the begining of the dynamic duo and Jimmy and I are really in for a bumpy ride.

Happy Mothers Day to all of our Grandmas and Great grandmas

2009-05-10T12:43:00.000-07:00

Happy mothers day all my grandmas

Happy mothers day grandma

So we have some of the best Grandmas and Great Grandmas out there to love us and help us. They are here for us to show a good example and help with life experiences. They are wonderful powerful women and today is a day to celebrate them and thank them. Thank you for everything that you do for us, for loving us and for being the grandmas that you are. Our boys are so very lucky to have you in their lives and they love you.

Happy Xander

Happy Maddy

The Best Mothers Day Breakfast ever

2009-05-10T12:22:00.000-07:00

The best breakfast ever (Thank you Honey)

Breakfast with the fam outside.

I woke up this morning to my wonderful hubby pampering me by taking care of both of the boys and making me breakfast at the same time. We had the best food, we ate outside (one of the most beautiful days yet), and played with the dogs and the kids. This is the best mothers day that I have ever had. I am so grateful to be a mother and thank you to all the mothers out there that I have come in contact with that have taught me wonderful things that have helped me along the way. I am blessed with the family that I have and I love my babies.Thank you honey for everything that you do for me. Thank you for caring about me. Thank you for taking care of me right now and thank you for understanding

Xander playing with Duncan

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The kiddie winks

The beginning of a fantastic Mothers Day weekend

2009-05-09T14:38:00.000-07:00

Love my present

So as I am changing one of the many many diapers that I change in a one day period, I get a knock at the door and I get the cutest floral arraignment from my loving Dad and wonderful stepmom. So it made my day from the very beginning. Then I got ready and went out with my girlies and had great Mexican food and we saw "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past". Then we went to a club, and then we went for desert. You gotta love that. The beginning of a great mothers day weekend. Food, movies, dancing, girls night out, pie, and the a loving hubby to come home and cuddle with at 5 Am. What else could be that. What a way to start things off.

This is one of my favorite flowers.

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (Matthew McConaughey looks so good in this!!!)

My baby bird is leaving the nest

2009-05-09T14:03:00.000-07:00

Maddy in the walker

Ok so when Maddy was sick and really little I called him my baby birs with no feathers, and that is really what he looked like. Now he is looking so good and getting so big. He is eating food, sleeping really well, drinking from a sippy, and crawling and now we are adding to the line up. Jimmy decided to suprise little Maddy when he came home yesterday with a walker for him. When we first put him in it he wasnt really sure what to do. Than when he got the hang of it trouble was on the loose. Playing with the garbage can, running into the walls, trying to chace Xander, trying to go outside, (even though there are steps). He was so happy to be able to follow me around. I cant believe that all of this happens so fast. And then Jimmy decided (since he has 2 teeth) to give him a try at the dried fruit and the little cracker things for teethers and he ate and knawed all of then to death. So where has my little baby bird gone. He has flown the nest and I miss him.

Maddys first with the sippy

Smiley baby in the walker

Welcome to the toddler years

2009-04-30T17:23:00.000-07:00

I dont really know how or why it happens but at some point in all childrens lives (some are worse then others) this transformation happens and they are overcome with this horrible disease that is called the terrible 2's. They become unreasonable, uncontrollable and just a different child. And the even worse part about it all is that it is only a once in a while thing. Some days are wonderful and others are just a disaster. I know that he is still learning and that everything is still so unknown and scary but why does it have to happen like this. I bought a book called "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" and I hope and prey that it will help me find my inner mother and learn how to control him in a constructive way that is teaching at the same time. I want to learn how to act and not react. It is a wonderful concept but we can only hope that I can pick it up well and translate it to something that works well for us. I will keep you updated.

The wonderful and sweet one

The Other one (2 months later)

If you have any ideas please help.

The new member of the family

2009-04-24T21:30:00.000-07:00

So there is kind of a story behind this but Jimmy has an employee named Mark. Well Mark and his wife live in an apartment and needless to say that they could not keep him. They were going to take him to the pound and we could not let that happen. So we said that we would take him. He is the cutest thing ever. He is a miniature Daschund. He is only 7 months old and he is liking it here with us so far. His name is Duncan but we are going to change it we just don't have any names that fit him yet. The kids love him, he plays with Xander and he is all cuddles and love. Welcome to the family little one.

Everything else that not the kids

2009-04-23T02:17:00.000-07:00

So it has been so long since I have blogged that I thought it would be best to break it up into sections about each boy and keep it seperate. So about Jimmy and I. Umm Jimmy is still working all the time and working himself to the bone. Its getting into the busy season again and he gets kinda fussy when he's busy like that. We are doing great though. Things are wonderful with US and just seem to work out when things are tough. As for me. I went to the doctor for a some back pain in my lower back after some tests and an MRI, they found out that I have a tumor in my lower back. It is about the size of a large egg and it is taking up about 4 discs. They dont know what it is from or what really to do about it right now so we are in the begining of everything and that really awkward limbo place. Since there really is nothing really to do right now they have me on a pain management regime and I am trying to take it easy. But other then that everything is great.

Maddox

2009-04-23T01:50:00.000-07:00

Ok so the little "Smiley" (his new nickname) is doing so much better then we could have imagined a few months ago. I love that little face so much and I cant believe that he has not been here the entire time with us as a family. Everyday gets better and he learns more each minute. He is trying to crawl so hard. He gets up so well and rocks back and forth and then takes one move then BOOM down to the tummy again but we are getting better everyday. He loves to be on the floor.

The minute that you put him down anywhere the bed, the floor, the change table, anywhere he is over right away on his tummy. He is saying new things all the time too. He says da-da, ma-ma, na-na, he blows raspberry's all the time and is vocal every other time. We now have teethiees. 2 Teeth broke through about 3 days ago. They are coming in at the same time so he is a little uncomfortable but we are good. He is standing up too. He will stand and hold on to something for a minute but then he wants to jump but we are really working hard.

The only thing that he will not do it sit up. The minute I put him up he slumps right over. If I sit behind him he pushes himself back hard until he is laying down again so that he can roll over. I put him in the Bumbo seat and he just rolles right out, Its crazy. The feeding thing id going well also and we are eating 2 times a day and about 3 bottles a day in between. I love having him around and watching him learn, grow, and admire Xander.

The boys

2009-04-23T01:32:00.000-07:00

Xander

2009-04-23T00:35:00.001-07:00

So it has been a long time since i have blogged about my little Xander. He is getting way to big way to fast. So many things have happen since we blogged last. He is talking all the time and saying all new words. We are in the process of learning our ABC's and he is repeating them wonderfully, He loves being outside now that the weather is getting warmer, He is so good with the baby. He tells him that he loves him every night before he goes to bed, he loves taking baths and playing with toys together. He's kinda stingy but we are learning. He loves to help mommy and daddy he is the model helper and we are convinced that he will like doing chores when he gets older.

He is still very obsessed with CARS the movie so we have done some fun decorating with some home made projects. Jimmy got some very cool puzzles and we put them together and then glues them and backed them and decorated the backing with stickers. They are so cute and they were so cheap. We also got some vinyl decals and put them on the wall. We are having so much fun decorating his room together its crazy. We are starting to work on the potty training thing and I got the coolest book. It is based on the concept that toddlers should be totally independent and not rely on the parents for help at all, and it should only take less then a day. I hope that it works it has a 99% success rate in a study of 200 kids of all ages, and we are so looking forward to it. This is the potty chart that I made for him, lets hope it works.

Also Jimmy has been working on teaching Xander how to ride a bike and hopefully we will be taking the training wheels off soon.

Totally thankfull for children

2009-02-20T19:34:00.000-08:00

I think that you definitely have to be thankful for having children. For some reason they have the funniest way of making things a little bit more complicated then they need to be. Today after a pretty good morning Xander decided that he was going to have an accident and it would go everywhere. So after a bath and then a nakee baby running everywhere we then thought that it would be funny to bring mommy her glasses while they where on his face. After running around after him for a minute or two I finally got him and the glasses and then after the lunch feeding, book reading, bottle feeding, 2 diaper changes, and a rocking to sleep I finally had about an hour and a half of quiet and time to my self. And then for some reason the time goes by so fast that you don't get anything done. You just sit.I don't get it.

The Best Valentines Day EVER

2009-02-15T19:40:00.000-08:00

Thank you all that were involved in this Valentines day. The Night was wonderful, the Sushi was wonderful, the morning was wonderful, and the afternoon after was wonderful. I loved not having to worry about anything and having some bit of freedom for just one night. The time that we spent together was priceless. Happy first Valentines Day Maddy, Happy Valentines Day Xander and a Very Very Happy Valentines Day to my love.

Happy Valentines Day to the man of my dreams

2009-02-13T23:55:00.000-08:00

James Edward Allen Jr. the man of my dreams, you are the most genuine and loving person that I have ever met. You fulfill my life and make me whole. The life that we have built together is wonderful and gets better everyday. The love that we have for each other is truly pure poetry. Thank you for the things that you do for our family and the choices that you make everyday. I am very proud of you everyday, you amaze me. Thank you for making me the mother of 2 of the most beautiful and caring boys that have ever been created. You have given me the most precious gift and I treasure every minute that I have with you and our family. I appreciate you and I love you. So please on this day of love and admiration know that our love is truly something to be celebrated. To my life, my love my Valentine.

Happy Valentines Day my boys!!!

2009-02-13T23:32:00.000-08:00

My Xander love and my Maddy mu: you are two of the most beautiful blessings in our life. You make mommy and daddy so very happy and to watch you grow up and have the privilege to teach you things is truly a blessing from above. You are everything that I have ever wanted for children I wouldn't change anything about you and I am already so proud of you both for the mile stones that you have overcome and I know that the fun has just begun. Thank you for filling our lived with love laughter and joy. Thank you for choosing us as your parents and touching our hearts the way you have. Please continue being you both of you and know that you father and I will always love you and support everything that you do. Happy Valentines Day to you my sweet Xander and Happy first Valentines day my smiley Maddox.

My sweet Xander please dont ever change

2009-02-13T20:34:00.000-08:00

Because he belongs to Jimmy and I, I think that we are a little biased but I really think that Xander is the sweetest little boy that I have ever seen. During the day he will randomly climb up on my lap and lay his little head on my shoulder or chest then out of nowhere he will look at me put his hands on my cheeks and sweetly and softly kiss me then hug me tightly and put his head back down and cuddle some more. He has to say goodnight and kiss the picture of Sally from CARS that is on his toothbrush every night, he tries to pick up Maddy and carry him around, he kisses him and hugs him goodnight all the time for naps and bed time, and he even shares everything that he has with Maddy. Sometime I even catch him trying to shove some peanut butter and jelly sandwich in his mouth and even trying to give him some water or chocolate milk from his sippy. He loves Jimmy and everyday that Jimmy comes home from work he runs to the gate at the top of the stairs and yells "dada home". Xander my love please don't ever change you are the sweetest little boy that I have ever met and you have the softest heart too.

My little boy growing so fast that I cant breath

2009-02-13T20:22:00.000-08:00

Well tonight was another mile stone in my little Maddy's life. Not only did we accomplish one but two. He was so happy and didn't even realize that he was smiling at me and having fun and just rolled all the way over. A whole 360 how proud we are and we could never describe the feeling of watching a baby accomplish something so minute but so large. Then later on in the evening Jimmy wanted to see if he would fit in the bouncy and what he would do (even though I told him that he wouldn't fit). Right as we put him in he was all smiles as usual and started playing with the toys right away. He is now 5 months old and the time has gone by so fast. I feel like he just got better and not he is rolling over, trying to sit up on his own and kinda jumping in the jumper. The things that happen are so miraculous and happen so fast that I don't know what to do but try to hold on as fast and as hard as I can.

Hi Mommy I'm in my bouncy

Smile!!!

Maddy on his 5th month birthday

New forms of entertainment

2009-02-02T14:26:00.000-08:00

As you all know when you become a parent you get a whole new set of rules. Not only do you never really get time for you but if your married then you never really get time with your partner and you are destined from that moment on to have a new definition of fun. So last night after the Superbowl we gave the boys a bath together ( which we usually never do) and all of us had so much fun together. Xander thinks its so funny to kick his legs since the baby does and he throws water on everyone and laughs so hard. On a usual night Jimmy walks out of the bathroom with his clothes just soaked (that is the bonding thing between daddy and Xander, a bath every night. It's their time together). Anyway while washing to kids hair (Jimmy washing Xander and me washing Maddys) we both got the same idea at the same time. So here is our new form of entertainment for the family.

Xander Alfalfa

Maddy Alfalfa

More Firsts

2009-01-31T12:03:00.000-08:00

So after the wonderful doctors appointment and everything going so well we did decide that after eating 7oz every 2 hours that he might need something else to eat, so we started giving him cereal. Last night was our first try and it was interesting to say the least. Xander did start eating cereal at about this age but for some reason it was a little different. Xander was very ready and was eating his spoon.

Xanders first eating session

This time is was a little different. Maddy was not really sure what to do with the spoon and didn't really want to chew and swallow the food. When I talked to the doctor he said that he was totally ready so we tried. It did take some time but it is going better. We are going to try again tonight and see what happens. Yesterday I was a baby that was very new and I cant believe that Maddy is not that size anymore.

Maddy's first eating session

And I still say that they look so much alike that its kinda scary. I thought that they would look alike but not this much.

Maddy

Xander

Yeaaaa for my Maddy Mu

2009-01-30T16:57:00.000-08:00

So today was the 4 month check up for little Maddy Mu and things were great. He now is 26 and half in long (pretty long) and he now weights 15lbs 1oz. We are all so pleased.The doctor said that his progress is good and he is about where he should be. After a breif wailling session and 3 shots our little trip was over only to be finished by a 45min wailing session once we got home. I dont know if it was because he was tired of he hurt but I have never heard him cry that way and I dont think that any child should ever cry that way ever again. After the crying he fell asleep and just relaxed in my arms and let out a huge sigh of relief. So since it has been a while since I have blogged Maddy has decided that he no longer wants to lay in the same spot and he has found that he likes rolling over. It is kinda early but nevertheless very exciting. I know that I say it all the time but the time that we have with out children flys by, they grow so fast and nothing is ever the same.

Life how we know it

2009-01-21T14:41:00.000-08:00

So life how we know it is changing so much. Jimmy is working now more then ever, family is starting to come and visit more often and I am going to be starting work and school soon. I am not quite sure how everything is going to work out but somehow I know it will. Maddy is doing great Xander is growing so much and thanks to Grandma Sue he is saying so many more words and talking so much more. Grandma Sue and Grandpa Dale just left after staying for a few days and spending some much loved time with all of us and bringing us some furniture, Poppa Tom is coming next week to see everyone and see Maddy for the first time and Tia Pamela is here now visiting and giving mommy some much needed adult time and conversation. Some time I cant believe that I am a 24year old mother of 2 and a wife of 6 years to a wonderful man and father. Life Is Good.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BABY BOY

2009-01-18T21:32:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to my baby boy Xander. How the years fly by to fast and oh what they bring. We had a party for him here at the house. Our friends Robert and family came over to share in the fun and my wonderful mother in law was here to celebrate. We had the cutest cake, banner and everything else CARS. He was so excited and everything he got it was so much fun. I cant believe that he is 2 already and that he is getting so big. 2 years ago at 6:37pm my life changes forever and it was never again to be the same. I love being a mother and the joy and blessings that it brings.

Xander: Mommy and Daddy love you so very much. You are one of the most special gifts that we could have ever gotten. You are wonderful and we look forward to so much more.

Maddy at 4 Months

2009-01-10T15:03:00.000-08:00

Maddy is growing so big so fast. The last weigh in that we had was about a month ago he weighed 11lbs 2oz. and since then he has grown so much. He is one of the longest babies that I have ever seen and he is getting so chunky. We are so proud of him and how well he has done. He is so beautiful, so happy to be alive and so full of life. We are taking him for his 4 month check up and we will see how much he weighs then. If anyone has any predictions please weight in (haha). Who ever gets the closest gets a prize from us. So here are some of the latest pictures of the little butterball ( love it). And for some little tid bits he is already holding his own bottle, he is almost sitting by his self and almost rolling over on his own too. Xander is going to be 2 a week from tomorrow and time goes by so fast I cant even breath. I know that I have said that before but I cant believe it. Some time this week we are going to kiddie kandids to get pictures of the 2 of them so we will post when we get those.

Our boys

2009-01-05T15:42:00.000-08:00

So this is a new year and Jimmy and I have come to the conclusion that this year has got to be a better year then the last. Yes we have been so very blessed this year with Maddox and everything that went well so that he and I could come home safely, Jimmy has a great job and it is stable and in this economy that is a blessing alone. Xander is healthy and growing well, about to be 2 and getting cuter by the day, but as for the rest it has definitely been ups and downs (sometimes more downs then ups) but we know that this year will be better. We have 2 beautiful healthy boys that we love more then anything and we have each other. I am convinced that each year brings new trials and tribulations and they get more interesting as time goes by but I think that the saying "What does not kill you only makes you stronger" is so true that it almost hurts. The boys love each other and keep us entertained and things will progress. Just a side tid bit I put Xander in the crib the other day with Maddy and he thought that it was the coolest thing and then he started to pose for the camera (thats my boy).

So different but so the same

2008-12-28T17:58:00.000-08:00

The other night I walked in to check on Maddy and I saw this position that he was laying in. It was oh so familiar. Ok so Xanders was taken on February 3rd 2007 and he was about 3 weeks old then Maddy's was taken on December 24th and he was about 3 months old. Xander was a little bit younger in his picture but its all the same. Its so funny sometimes they are so much alike and sometimes they are so very different. Maddy is so very different then Xander was. Maddy needs so much more love and attention. He talks all the time and laughs so much. Xander is getting a mind of his own and getting into that terrible 2 stage. If anyone has any suggestions they would be very welcome but we are excited to get to know Maddy and see what he will be like at this stage. With Xander their as a big brother (influence) I am kinda afraid. Xander

Maddox

Sants was not our friend this year

2008-12-27T12:51:00.000-08:00

We took the kids to see Santa this year and it was very different then last year. Last year he was so happy and fine with everything but this year the minute that we walked in the girl that was taking the picture asked if we were prepared for him to cry and we thought he might cry but nor scream. Oh man it was bad. We tried everything, Carter sat with him Jimmy tried to sit with them, Jimmy even tried sitting in front of him to get him attention away but nothing worked. Maddy on the other hand just sat there and did nothing it was hysterical . They looked so cute that we got pictures. Every year they change and every year is different.

The worst snow storm in 10 years

2008-12-27T12:20:00.000-08:00

Our back yard

So on the way home Christmas night we encountered such the storm. We were driving on the freeway and there was at least 9 in. of compacted snow on the freeway alone. After fish tailing all the way home on the freeway we had to make it up our numeroius hills to get to our house. If any of you have been to our house you know how bad all of the hills are. Anyway after getting stuck halfway up one we had to make at least 12 tries to make it up the other. After trying and failing we slid all the way down and tried another hill on the other side of the city. On the way up we slid out again and a very inpatient SUV tried going aroud us and the wind and him whipping around us we did 2 full circles and headed right into the snow bank and the curb. Jimmy tried flagging 4 cars down one of which was a tow truch with a plow on front of it finally another truck stopped to pull us out. He was trying so hard to pull that when he took off he pulled the front grill and passenger blinker right off. After he pulled us out he followed us to our friends house to make sure we made it ok and we had to invade her house at 1 in the morning. We finally made it home at 11:00am the next morning, mind you we had left at about 2 the afternoon before. What a ride and oh how much fun.Our Deck

Merry Christmas

2008-12-27T11:13:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas all. We hope that everyone had a good day and spent time with the ones that they love. We had so much fun. We woke up that morning and opened presents and ate some yummy breakfast casserole. Then after going to see some loved ones we had a very interesting trip home. Xander had so much fun Christmas morning he opened all of his presents and played with everything. Maddy really didnt know what was going on but he still had fun. We loved having Carter here and even though it was a tight Christmas I think that Jimmy had a good day too.

Our New Tradition

2008-12-24T11:30:00.000-08:00

Well I think that we started a new tradition in our family. Grandma Jen has made it her job (thank you grandma) to buy the boys an ornament for their first Christmas. They really are the cutest things and we have so much delight putting them on the tree. Our new tradition is taking a picture of the kids holding their ornament so that we can see how much they have grown in the last year. So here is this year. Holding His Ornament

Xanders 2007

Maddy holding his

Baby's First Christmas 2008

How we love cheap entertainment

2008-12-16T17:06:00.000-08:00

I don't know why but kids just love the cheapest forms of entertainment. Tonight Jimmy brought home a box from work for extra storage and Xander thinks its the best thing in the world to fill it up with the various and many Lightning McQueen's that he has to play with then push the box around like it is a car. Then after running around the house pushing the box like he is a mad man he then proceeds to take every single one of them out and start all over again. I know that no matter what we get him for Christmas or his birthday he will like the packaging better then anything. So HOORAY!!!! for the very "inexpensive" entertainment sources and the wonderful joy and diversion that it creates.

The Fight for breastfeeding

2008-12-15T12:53:00.000-08:00

As many of you know I have had a little bit of a hard time with the breastfeeding. It started with not pumping right after I had Maddox (with some of that to blame on the nurses at the hospital) and then the stress of Maddox being sick and in the NICU. Then there were some other things that happened to slow everything down. The loss of a helping sheild, the breaking af 3 pumps, and the cost of medicine have not helped. After 2 medications and the help of a few other things we did establish what was needed to continue the flow and probably after some time increase it. But to our dismay we have concluded that it is intirly to expencive to continue. Mommy is very disappointed but I am proud that I did breast feed for 3 months and I was so very dilligent and worked so very hard. It is a hard fight to concide a lose to but I think we are learning so much as we go and maybe on the next one we will make it. Xander was only breastfed for a small amout of 2 weeks and he is no worse for the ware. We will try again next time and hope that it works out then.